Intoxicated Romance
by favorite5
Summary: Charlotte Eaton has everything.Perfect boyfriend, fantastic friends, and Tobias for a half brother. But when she and finds out about her Divergence, her happily ever after comes crashing down. Follow her on her crazy journey through Dauntless initiation where she meets mysterious trainer Bennett, who has more in common with her than she thinks.Rated T for language and adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Intoxicated Romance**

"_Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual." _–Ernest Hemingway

I think that part of Tris not being my mother, never really acting like a mother, was the reason I could talk to her about anything. _ Anything_. We both knew that I had raised myself growing up in the factionless slums and I knew more at age eight than most girls know at age fifteen. She knew it was the sexual abuse that I've tried to clear from my mind that made me grow up so quickly.

As I lie in bed next to Lucas with him rubbing my bare back I think about this. I know he'll ask me what I'm thinking, he always does at times like this, but for now we're both quiet.

I had just turned fourteen when he asked me to go out with him, actually go _out_, not just be his "girlfriend". At first I wasn't to thrilled about the idea of being with a man but I'm a brave girl so I gave it a shot. We sat on a little place in the Pit, it's _our_ secret place now, while we talked about trivial things like our assignments for school and funny memories we'd had with our friends. He didn't push me, he didn't even try holding my hand, and I liked that about him.

I've heard Tris and Tobias talk about the reason for fear simulations thousands of times. It creates new positive memories of the fear to replace the old fearful ones. Being with Lucas was no different. My great memories with him had replaced the old, terrifying ones with Levi, my abuser. And I try to tell myself I'm over it the abuse, but you never really get over something like that.

Lucas was shocked when I told him. He didn't believe that something like that had actually happened…to me. And we sat up high in out special place overlooking the Pit when I told him. He sat; rubbing my back and holding me close then, just like he lies now.

It all makes me think back to Tris and how I had told Tris before she left; I told her that Lucas would be here while they were gone. Tris had given me a small smile and nod. She didn't try to talk me out of it. She didn't say anything about being safe because we both knew I could take care of myself. The only thing she said was, "Thank you for trusting me." Then she gave me a kiss on the head as she and Tobias left for the Yellow House.

"What are you thinking about?" Lucas asks quietly, still rubbing my back. His voice is low and sweet. Soothing and calm. I could just listen to it for hours and hours and hours.

The answer I could give him would be a common, 'us' or the even more common, 'the aptitude test' which is coming up soon. But I don't lie; I _try_ not to lie, so I tell him the truth without facing him. "Growing up." I say.

"Look at me." He whispers barely audibly. My black sheets stir as I try to face him. It's late and we're both tired from lovemaking but I could still talk to him forever. He smiles when he sees my face and brushes a golden curl behind my ear. He leaves his hand there stroking my cheek while I look into his blue eyes and he looks into my deep brown ones.

I'm not an insecure girl. I know I'm pretty with my long blonde hair and charming face. My features have changed growing more like my fathers than my mothers. My nose still has a_ tiny_ hook but my eyes are less dark and my lips have grown to be nearly equal in size. The normal changes of womanhood came too, bigger breasts, longer legs, a period and hormones. I know I'll never be as pretty as my best girl friend Josh, but I'm more than fine with being me.

"You're beautiful." He says with the corners of his lips turned up. He could easily have any girl in the compound with his short brown curls and morning blue eyes. He's fit and tall with a smirk that would drive any girl crazy. It was very possible he could have been a total jerk, not that he looks like one but that's the norm for insanely attractive guys like him. That was what surprised me. His sensitivity, his care and love.

"Thank you." I say blushing and looking down. I've never asked Lucas what made him ask me out. It might have been my "rise of pretty" as my best guy friend Ollie likes to put it, or maybe it was that my best friends were from Candor and Erudite. Either way it was because I was different. Because I wasn't like the other Dauntless girls getting tattoos and drinking early. I was the girl who would sit at the dinning hall and read like an Erudite while speaking like a Candor helping like an Abnegation with a smile like an Amity in the Dauntless compound.

He pulls back his hand and wraps it around me pulling me close to him. I love this. Lying here with him and talking, being intimate in more ways that one. "You okay?" He asks.

I start to tangle my legs in his. "Yeah. I just have a lot on my mind." His arms wrap around me tightly making me feel safe. Like I'm immune from ever being hurt again.

"Like what?" He asks, his breath hot on my neck. I rest my head on his shoulder.

"What prompted you to ask me out?" I question. He likes when I ask him questions because he likes thinking. He likes _knowing _just as much as I do.

He smiles and hugs me tighter. "Well all the girls in Dauntless had black nails," He begins, "And when I looked at yours they just had the tips painted white. So I wondered why yours were so different, and for a couple days I just watched you walk to class and jump off the train. You always had a book and that fascinated me. Like 'what could possibly be more interesting than what's actually going on around us?'" His forehead touches mine. "I had my friends find out all they could about you but they couldn't find out anything because-"

"I always had my nose in a book." I complete.

He smiles and his eyes flitter to the bed underneath us. "So when I finally got the guts to ask you out I just really wanted to know more about you. I didn't actually think that I'd fall in love with you." He says.

My heart flutters when he says it. It's not the first time he's said it but it still makes my heart jump. "It was that and your name. Charlotte Eaton." He says. I've always loved the way he says my name, just a hit higher than the why he says other words. "There's just something about the ring to it. Charlotte Eaton." He repeats.

He rolls over and I rest my head on his chest so I can hear the way his heart beats. "The aptitude test it tomorrow." I say as he pulls me closer to him. "Are you nervous?"

He doesn't say anything for a second. "I think everyone's nervous."

"But I don't care about everyone." I say drawing circles on his abs. "I only care about you."

He strokes my hair. "I'm nervous."

"What do you think you'll get?" I whisper.

He stops stoking my hair. "Whatever you get."

I smile and kiss his chest. "Well whatever it is I still want to be Dauntless."

"Yeah…" He agrees. I don't think he really agrees though.

"If you could be in one other faction what would it be?" I ask.

He takes time to think about this. "None. I want to be Dauntless, with you." I know he didn't answer my question but I ignore that since he added the _with you_.

I never want this feeling to end. I want to be with him forever, and ever. Sometimes I think my life is perfect. Girl escapes clutches of evil and abuse, fast forward six years and she has everything. An amazing and loving boyfriend. Insanely fun best friends. And Tris and Tobias for guardians.

"You know how we're not supposed to share our results?" He asks.

"Yeah." I whisper.

He pulls me up to face him, out hot bodies pressed together. Our foreheads touch and he looks into my eyes. "I want to tell you mine."

I blink. That's the cardinal rule of the aptitude test, not telling anyone. But I'm going to be Dauntless. I know I'm choosing Dauntless no matter what. So I agree."Deal."

My hands wrap around his neck and his around my waist. Our lips lock and he tastes like him, like peanuts, and salt, and love. And he smells like him, like grass and wet dirt and wood. He pulls back making me frown. He squeezes me tighter to him. "I love you, Charlotte. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."

I smile and kiss his nose. "Promise?" I ask.

"Promise." He says into my ear.

And we spend the rest of the night talking and kissing and laughing. It probably wasn't wise to do before the aptitude test, but we did it anyway. It doesn't matter anyways; we'll both pick the same faction.

I haven't read many children's books but I know enough to know that's what my life is like. I am a princess and Lucas is my prince. And I'm looking forward to our happily ever after.

At least that's what I think until the choosing ceremony.


	2. Chapter 2

"_There are two types of secrets: the kind you _want_ to keep in, and the kind you don't _dare_ let out."-_Ally Carter

Ollie saunters into the cafeteria shaking his hips and attempting a sexy glance. Josh and I look at him and laugh. We laugh harder than the other kids in the room, mostly because they're too nervous to do anything but mutter with kids from their factions. I'm sure they mutter about us.

Because we're a threat to the norm.

Ollie sticks his head in my hair and I smack him. "What were you up to last night, Charlie?" He asks suggestively. "You look pretty happy today." I remember when he started to call me Charlie a few days after I was saved from factionless Hell. He had declared that I needed a "dude name" like him and Josh, thus being called Charlie.

I shrug my shoulders with a smile. "You're pretty happy too."

"Yeah but he's _Ollie_, he's always happy." Josh proposes.

Ollie sits down and smirks. "Know what else makes me suspicious?" He asks with arched eyebrows. "That nice hickey on your neck."

My eyes double in size. "Are you kidding me?" I ask my hand slapping the tender skin on my neck.

He leans back. "Yes. But you just admitted to being with Lucas last night. So a point for Ollie."

I roll my eyes. "Give me a break it's almost our anniversary. We just had a little sleep over."

Josh grins and leans forward. "I'm guessing you did more than sleep?"

I don't say anything, but the grin on my face answers her question. It's not her business, but her Candor nature to ask. "No lunch?" She asks looking at Ollie.

He shakes his head. "I'm to nervous to eat."

"You don't look nervous." Josh says leaning back in her chair. It's something that's odd for her being Candor. Leaning and slouching. I think she does it to be a rebel.

Ollie shrugs his shoulders. "Looks can be deceiving."

I watch Lucas as Ollie and Josh talk about the aptitude test. The way Lucas laughs with his whole body and how he smiles with a wide grin. He throws his hand of cards down at one of his friends, Ash. He's never been good at cards.

He smiles at me when he sees me staring at him. "And how was your short day, today?" I stand up and wrap my arms around him.

"Good…. And yours?"

He smiles in triumph. "I'm just glad it's all over."

I look around. I didn't think of it like that. Like this is the last time I'll be in the cafeteria. In the Hub. I sigh into his chest. "I'm going to miss this place."

Ollie and Josh snort. "I'm not. I'm finally getting out of this Hell hole." Josh says. Ollie laughs and gives her a high five.

An Abnegation woman walks into the cafeteria followed by some Abnegation men, an Erudite lady and Tris' friend Tori. Rules are we can't be tested by anyone from our own faction so I guess I won't get Tori.

They stand in a line and call names. "From Erudite, Jason Jones and Oliver Green." Ollie mutters under his breath. He hates it when he's called Oliver. "From Dauntless, Charlotte Eaton and Lucas Brown." I give Lucas a kiss on the lips and Ollie and Josh roll their eyes playfully. "From Candor, Lauren Peters and Mason Williams." Josh stands up at the name of Lauren Peters, her real name. They call the Amity and Abnegation but I don't know any of them.

We walk down the hall in a row when Josh starts shaking. "Charlie," she squeaks, "What's going to happen, what if we get differen-"

I grab her hands. "Josh, look at me." Her breaths become panicky and Ollie stands behind me. She avoids my gaze until I speak louder. "Look. At. Me. _Josh_."

The tears are visible in her eyes. "What if-"

"There are no what if's." I say to her. "Only what is. And everything is going to be _fine_."

She nods at me and we walk out of the cafeteria of memories. How many girls called her mean things because they were so jealous of her? How many times Ollie acted like an idiot just to cheer us up when we were down? How many times did people narrow there eyes and question because we were different, because we diffed what was 'right'? "Goodbye Hell hole!" Josh calls and walks down with the Abnegation woman who will test her.

Ollie smiles. "See ya at the ceremony, Charlie." He wraps his arms around me in a Dauntless hug. Then he tips his head at Lucas and follows down the hall of mirrors.

"Charlotte." Lucas says.

I look at him as he stares into my eyes. "I love you." I say before he can say anything else.

He smiles and wraps his arms around me while the others are walking down the hall.

He plants a kiss on my head. "I love you too." He says. I see us in the mirror. How perfect we are. A prince and princess.

An Abnegation woman coughs. "Charlotte Eaton?" I nod, still wrapped up in Lucas. "Come with me."

"Good luck." He whispers and I smile at him.

The woman looks familiar and she walks me down the hall to room 10. Since I'm the first group of people being tested she gets to walk me there. It's good because I'd probably get lost on my own.

"Sit down." She says and I do as I'm told. I'm not nervous and that worries me. I should be shaking like Josh, or at least nervous on the inside like Ollie, but I'm not. Not being nervous is making me nervous. I plop down in the reclining chair.

The woman looks oddly familiar, high cheekbones and wavy blonde hair in a ponytail. She could be beautiful if she wasn't Abnegation. "I'm Natalie."

I smile as she starts to attach wires to my face. "That was my boyfriend out there, by the way." I don't have to tell her this, she probably already knows but I felt like clarifying anyway.

She smiles and hands me a vile of clear liquid. "Drink this."

"What's it going to do?" I question not particularly fond of drugs.

She shakes her head and rests a hand on her hip. "Just trust me."

I bring the cup to my lips and see Natalie in front of my eyes. Tris' mother's name is Natalie. She's Abnegation. This is Tris' mother.

That's the last thought I have before being pulled into simulation.

The cafeteria lights are brighter than I remember them and the room is empty minus the woman in front of me. There's a knife and a block of cheese laid out in front of her.

"Choose." She says.

I ponder why I'll need a knife and cheese. "What am I going to do?"

She glares at me with her hard-set eyes. "Choose."

I stare at the knife that I know how to wield, quite well I might add, and the cheese, which looks old and defenseless.

When I look at the lady again she gives me a condescending smirk. I hear a snarl behind me and I turn around to see a dog. I smile at it, at the face of destruction.

There's a lot I know about dogs from reading. They can practically smell fear and they're not that evil. I've heard about Christina's bulldog nearly a thousand times. "Sit." I command. The dog stops and sits for me, tongue flopping out of its mouth. "Good dog." I say rubbing his head.

A little girl appears at the doorway. "Puppy!" She calls.

The dog jumps up and snaps at her. I throw myself in front of it. "Sit!" I command.

It barks louder at me, but I'm not afraid. This dog just needs to know who's in control. "I said sit!" I scream.

The little girl wails behind me and I turn around to comfort her, "It's okay, I'm here. Nothing will hurt you as long as-" but she's gone. I'm back in the testing room, though I can't see myself in any of the mirrors so I'm still in the simulation.

I walk out the door only to find the ground shifting under me. I wobble and grab something- a pole-to steady myself. I'm on a bus. There's a Candor man with a newspaper. The headline reads_ Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended_. The man looks familiar, but I can't place from where I know him.

"Do you know this guy?" The man asks.

I tilt my head. "I've never actually had a conversation with him, but I know of him."

The man glares at me and grabs my arm. "If you knew him you could save me."

I shrug a shoulder. "Let go of me."

He stares at me. "If you knew him you could save me!"

I'm starting to get seriously annoyed with this guy. It's just a simulation though. "Say anything else to me and I'll break your face." I threaten with a hard glare.

He drops my hand and looks the other way. My threat worked.

"My, my, Charlotte Eaton." A voice says.

I open my eyes slowly to let them adjust to the light. "That was puzzling." Natalie says.

She starts to remove wires from me. "Where do I pick up my-" I start.

She covers my mouth with her hand. "Charlotte, I'm about to tell you something you are to tell _know one. Ever_." The thought of Lucas in the back of my head rings true. Promising to tell him what I got. "You are Divergent."

I'm pretty sure no three words have ever scared me more in my entire life. "Crap." I mutter against her hand.

"This is _very, very, very_ dangerous. What we've seen in you shows a little bit of everything." She utters.

"Everything?" I croak.

"Everything." She repeats. "Do not tell_ anyone_. Is that clear?"

I give her a nod since I don't think I could manage anything out of my mouth.

"Good. You're dangerous, Charlotte, you're dangerous. I'm recording your results as Dauntless." She says. "Choose wisely."

I stand up from the chair and dismiss myself. There's a lurking sense of fear and achievement hanging over me.

Dauntless. Divergent. Dangerous.

I'm a little bit of everything.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Pour yourself a drink, put some on some lipstick, and pull yourself together."_-Elizabeth Taylor

I walk to the rocky Pit wall nervous. It's like the feelings I should have had hours ago are finally settling in my gut. Lucas is there already, letting his legs dangle from the Pit's secret wall. Our secret place.

When he sees me a smile stretches across his face. He takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. "Hey." I say sitting down next to him. We can see all the people in the Pit, but none of them can see us. It's like we're looking through one-way glass.

"So how was your aptitude test?" I ask trying to be around the bush. I don't care about the test itself, more of the result.

He looks at me seriously. "Swear not to tell?"

"I swear." I say looking in his sky blue eyes.

He looks around, as if anyone can see here him. "Dauntless and Abnegation." He leans in close to me. "I'm Divergent."

I feel a huge weight lifted off my chest. My arms wrap around him. "Me too."

He sighs into my hair. "It's dangerous, you know. We wouldn't be safe in Dauntless."

I stare at him, trying to understand what he's implying. "Are you suggesting we choose something other than Dauntless?"

He doesn't answer. He just looks at me.

My eyes narrow. He can't do this. This wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to stay Dauntless no matter _what._ "Are you saying you're choosing a different faction?"

He licks his lips nervously. "It's not safe here. Charlotte, if we stayed here we'd be under surveillance. Big time."

I shake my head and cross my arms. I can't believe him. He's ruining the plan.

He's ruining our happily ever after.

"What are you choosing?" I ask with edge to my voice.

He sighs. "Charlie, don't be like this."

I glare at him. "Only Ollie and Josh get to call me Charlie. To everyone else I'm _Charlotte Eaton_. The name you fell in love with the_ girl you fell in love with_." I snap.

"Abnegation." He whispers. "It's safest in Abnegation."

I snort. "Unbelievable." I shake my head. "Going to the place of selflessness for a selfish reason, kind of ironic, don't you think, _Lucas_." I spit his name like venom.

"Charlotte, don't be like this." He pleads. "Come with me."

I gulp in air annoyed and stare at him with all the seriousness and intimidation I can muster. "I'd rather go to _Hell_, then Abnegation."

"But it would be better there. It would be-"

"Lucas." I cut him off annoyed. "I'm choosing Dauntless no matter what. Just like I had planned. Just like _we_ planned."

He shrugs. "I guess this is goodbye then."

My head snaps to look at him. "_Excuse me?_"

He shrugs again. "If we're not going to the same faction then-"

"Are you _breaking up_ with me?" I interject. This isn't happening. This is not happening. I feel my mouth stretch into a line and my eyes gloss with tears.

"Charlotte it's best for us. If we're not going to the same place..." He says.

I glare at him. "Stay."

"What?"

"Stay. Stay with me." I lean in closer to him. "If you loved me, you would stay."

He holds my chin in his hand. "I do love you Charlotte, I'll always love you. I just can't be here if it means being under constant threat."

"But _I'm_ here." I say with force. His lips start to twitch, like they do when he's about to cry.

"Charlotte," He whines. "I can't stay."

I sob into my hand. God, he can't be doing this to me, and a day before the Choosing Ceremony…. "I love you though."

He stands up and offers me his hand. I take it. "I love you… I just…."

"You just love yourself more." I say condescendingly. "Seems to be a thing with you."

He shakes his head and a tear rolls down his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up." I say as I lean in forward and wrap my arms around his neck. I press my body flush with his and kiss him hard. I try to put all the love I've ever felt for him in that kiss. There must be something wrong, because I don't feel on fire like I usually do. I look up into his blue eyes one last time. "Goodbye, Lucas." I whisper

With that I turn down the narrow Pit walls and run. I run until my vision is so blurred I can't see where I'm going. I've stopped sobbing. My face red and puffy but not wet. I don't cry over boys.

I won't cry over boys.

"Ouch!" Someone says. I look up to see I ran into a man, maybe a few years older than me. He's tall with near black hair and pale skin.

"Sorry." I mutter walking away. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to go home.

When I blow through the door I see Tris and Tobias on the couch. They sit immersed in a conversation, facing each other. I don't care though, I'm to pissed to care.

"Lucas and I broke up." I declare, the words hold so much more meaning when I say them out loud.

Tris shows immediate sympathy. "Oh Charlotte," She gets up from the couch to give me a hug. "I'm so sorry. May I ask why?"

I can't tell her it was because we where choosing different factions. That's against the rules. I tell her anyway. "He told me he's choosing Abnegation."

Her face changes. "Did he say why?" She asks. I may be angry with him, angry and heartbroken, but I won't tell his secret.

I shake my head. "I'm taking a bath and going to bed." I pull away from her and wipe my face. There aren't any tears, but it makes me feel better.

Slamming the door makes me feel better too as I strip my clothes down and turn the water on hot. It's times like this I'm glad we live in a bigger apartment so we're not all crammed on top of each other.

I try to cry for Lucas, but I can't manage it. I've been through to much to cry over a stupid boy and a little part of me deep down thinks he'll choose Dauntless.

I know he'll choose Dauntless. He has too.

I soak in the bubbly scalding water until I'm pruning and it's cold. Maybe he doesn't know what to choose but I do. I start to wonder about Ollie and Josh, but I push the thoughts away.

This isn't about anyone but me. The Choosing Ceremony is about me, about what I want to do.

And boy do I have some options.


	4. Chapter 4

"_If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion."_-Noam Chomsky

I stare at my bed, almost disgusted at the fact Lucas and I could have been there, so happy, together. It almost seems unreal.

I slide into my favorite pair of dark skinny jeans that bunch at the bottom and pull on my favorite combat boots and black sweater. It's kind of hot for a sweater but I don't care because it makes me feel safe.

When I'm in the middle of winging out my eyeliner, Tris knocks. "Can I come in?"

"Yes." I say still at my make up desk.

Tris sits on my bed. "Are you nervous?"

I don't reply right away since I'm in the middle of applying red lipstick, but I don't have a solid answer. I know I want Lucas to pick Dauntless with me but I know he won't. "I'm not nervous for me." I finally decide.

Tris nods. "I'm really sorry about Luc-"

"Don't bring it up." I say harsher than intended. That's one thing I don't like about Tris. She gives you comfort but I'm the kind of girl that likes to comfort herself.

She smiles at me in the mirror and starts to braid my hair. Something she hasn't done since I was about eleven years old. "Do you know what you're going to choose?"

I tuck my hair behind my pierced ear. "Dauntless."

She grins. "You can choose whatever you want, you know."

I sigh. "I know. I want to choose Dauntless. That's been my plan all along." And I has been, a few days ago my plan involved Lucas though. It's not going to affect my decision though. I choose for me and only me now. If he really loved me he'd stay.

I am _not_ the kind of girl who always needs a boy at her side.

"Is Tobias going to be at the top of the net?" I ask.

She shakes her head and ties off the braid. "No. He'll be at the bottom."

"Who are the trainers this year?" I ask.

Tris smirks. "You shouldn't be getting inside information."

"I know, but it's not going to stop me from asking." I say bluntly.

She smiles. "Tobias is overseeing transfer training with Daren."

"Who's Daren?"

She puts her hands on my shoulders and smiles in the mirror. "He's a year older than you. Dauntless born."

I nod, even though I don't remember him. "Who's training me?"

She sets her hands on her hips, contemplating whether to tell me. "Eric is overseeing your training. Your trainer's name is Bennett."

I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah…?"

"Two years older than you, Erudite transfer." She adds. At least an idiot won't be training me.

I stand up, snapping my powder compact shut as I do. I look around at all the books. Most I haven't read, but I'm going too. Stealing book after book after book from the Yellow House accumulated over time.

"Hey Tris," I say before she leaves the room.

She turns around and smiles at me. "Yeah?"

I look at her in the eye. I want to tell her I'm Divergent. I need to tell her I'm Divergent. She'll keep me safe. "Are you trying to get pregnant?" Once I ask the words, I feel a weight slam my stomach. I wasn't planning on asking that, but I can't tell my secret.

There's something that seems more dangerous about telling, even telling Tris, than not telling at all.

She frowns through her eyes. "Is it that obvious?"

I shake my head quickly. "Not at all, I was just-" I look around, "Wondering. I guess."

She nods. "Yeah. I am." It's something I think they've been talking about for a while. They were just waiting until I got out of the house.

We just stand there. My real secret not yet told, and her's uncovered on account of my cowardice.

_Cowardice._

How can I choose Dauntless if I can't even tell Tris I'm Divergent. Something sparks in me. "I'm Divergent." I whisper softly.

Tris continues staring at me. "I know."

I give her a nod as I look at the clock. Time to go. "I'll see you when I get back." I say.

She nods. "I guess so."

I walk out of the house and through the Pit. It's busier than usual, people putting on their best show for Choosing Day.

I avoid talking to everyone, like normal when I get on the train. I make a point of specifically ignoring Lucas, causing some muffled gossip. I ride alone in my train car, not closing the door and letting my feet dangle from the top and swish to the side.

The Choosing Ceremony is held by Candor this year, meaning we have to go all the way to Merciless Mart to get there. Whatever.

I jump out of the train last, and follow behind the rest of the Dauntless born members. Most of the Dauntless faction didn't come because a) it's really far especially when they're b) getting the compound all cleaned up for c) the transfers that they probably don't want to see.

I take the elevator, sandwiched between some Amity and Erudite. They both have their parents with them. I haven't seen my parents in six years.

The room is loud when I walk inside, I can hardly bear the noise. I take my place in reverse alphabetical order lining up between a Candor boy named Danny Eatman and an Erudite girl named Megan Eccard. We don't speak to each other.

I scan the room for Josh and Ollie. Only is a few meters in front of me, though I don't dare call out his name. Josh is to far up front to be seen. I know Lucas is behind me, somewhere, behind me.

It is the last time I will see him as a Dauntless member.

"Hello, and welcome." Candor representative Jack Kang starts. He goes through the same speech that's given every year, some people mouth along with him. "Therefore this day is a happy occasion-the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us towards a better society and a better world."

He calls the first names, people who I don't know from Amity and Abnegation. They choose the same faction. It isn't until JasonTurner from Erudite is called that there is a transfer.

He stumbles and pours his blood over the soil representing Amity. I look at the Erudite sector of the room. He's a traitor to them.

Jack Kang continues on Name, Knife, Choice, Repeat until the knife is handed to Josh.

She shakes a little, cutting her hand and looking towards the flames. The heat makes her look orange as she holds her hand over the coals. She looks up at the crowd and smiles. Jack Kang has a look on his face, and it's not one of pride either.

Name. Knife. Choice. Repeat.

The nervous energy starts to fill me as I head closer the front of the line. Dauntless. I keep telling myself. Dauntless. Dauntless.

"Oliver Green." Ollie takes the knife, cutting his skin without expression and shifts his hand over the coals. It's like he's done it a thousand times.

I move closer to the front of the line. Why do I have to be so far at the end?

Danny Eatman recives the knife and I feel a weight in my stomach.

Amity. Abnegation. Candor. Erudite. Dauntless.

The choice is all mine.

"Charlotte Eaton." Everything seems to happen in slow motion.

I walk to Jack Kang.

_My Father was from Amity. _

I take the knife.

_My best friends were Erudite and Candor._

I cut my hand.

_My ex-boyfriend is going to be Abnegation._

I stare at the crowd and see everyone watching me. I can feel the blood start to trickle from my hand as I set it over the flames.

_Dauntless, all along, I've been Dauntless._

I move in line behind the others. Ollie and Josh give me big smiles and I nod. A weight feels like it's been lifted off my shoulders.

Lucas moves up to the front of the line. He's handed the knife and he looks at me. I narrow my eyes and mouth the word. _Dauntless_. He takes a deep breath and cuts his him. His blood trickles over the cool grey stones.

I shake my head and stare at him until it's time to leave. Secretly, I try to memorize his blue eyes. The way his hair curls just slightly up in the front. The little scar on his cheek and frown to his brows since I know I'll probably never see it again.

Then we start running.

* * *

Thank y'all so much for the sweet reviews and feedback! I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it!

~AJ xo


	5. Chapter 5

"_Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."_-Seneca

We hoot and holler as we run down the stairs of Merciless Mart. It's loud, and all the voices are slurred and crowded together so you can't make out a conversation, just parts of it.

I seem to move robotically, my mind still stuck on Lucas. I can't believe he left me. Even if he told me, I still thought he would stay Dauntless.

Foolish of me. He's to much of a coward to stay Dauntless.

The train whistles and I whip my head to look at it, people running along side it. There transfers stare at us, mimicking our actions. "Charlie!" A male voice calls.

I turn around to see Ollie and Josh greeting me with big grins. "We need to get on the train."

They nod at me, their smiles still stretched wide. I start running along with the train and the follow. It's something I've done a thousand times, but it's significantly different this time.

Ollie rolls into the train car with me and Josh climbs in the one next to us. The train is still going slowly, so I reach out and grab something I see. A dandelion.

My face scrunches up as I slide on my stomach and reach out to grab it. The train lurks forward. "Ollie." I say forcefully while I start sliding backwards. He grabs my by the waist and pulls me in the train car.

"What was that all about?" He asks leaning against the wall.

I hold up the perfect fuzzy dandelion in my hand. "I needed a wish."

"A wish?"

"A wish." I answer. I hold the dandelion in front of me, unsure. I could wish to make first at initiation or to meet Lucas again. I shake my head deciding on a wish before the train starts going fast.

I hold the dandelion to my lips. "I wish to be intoxicated by romance, to love and to be loved." I whisper softly against the dandelion's white fuzzy seeds. I blow softly until all the seeds are whisked off into the wind.

And I watch them float out of the train car until there are none left. Nothing but an empty stem.

"What did you wish for?" Ollie asks.

I stare at him. "Nothing." I lie. "Wishes don't come true."

oOo

"Jump." I command Ollie.

He shakes with nerves. "But the-"

"Now."

We jump forward, hand in hand. He lands on the concrete, scrapping his knee through the blue jeans. I jerk him up, not wanting him to look like a chicken.

Josh walks over next to me, a cut on her palm. "We made it."

There's a scream and we rush over to the edge of the building. A girl's body is pressed in the pavement; her hair sprawled all around her. I clench my teeth and turn around. Josh covers her mouth with her hand, tears glossing her eyes.

"Don't cry." I whisper to her, though it's really advice to myself.

Eric stands in the center of the building. Arms crossed, scowling. "Listen up!" He demands. Everyone turns to face him, some of the transfers look nervous at the sight of his pierced face. "I'm Eric, one of the leaders of Dauntless. At the bottom is the member's entrance to Dauntless. If you can't make it down there, you don't belong with us." People glance around nervously. "Transfers first, Dauntless born, say anything and you'll have the privilege of being _thrown_ off."

A boy in Candor clothes stands forward. His hair is dark and shaggy. He's cute.

"You scared Candor?" Eric asks.

The boy looks at him and then the bottom. He sucks in a deep breath and jumps. There's some screaming until we can't hear him anymore. The top of the roof is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"First jumper, Patrick!" a male voice calls from the bottom. There's an erupting cheer from the bottom of the building.

People file off jumping, Josh being second, Ollie being third. No one catches my eye.

"Your turn, Dauntless born." Eric says staring at us. Most look excited and start popping their knuckles.

A girl with dark brown hair and eyes gives us a wicked smile as she plummets to the bottom. "Eighth jumper, Mariah!"

More cheers.

People file off until there have been sixteen jumpers and I'm the last one. I look at the bottom and fear settles in my stomach. As I'm about to jump, Eric grabs my arm.

"You're Four's sister?" He asks.

I stare at him. "Yes."

He gives me a sadistic smile. "We'll see how long you last."

I yank back my arm and jump. Mostly to get away from him. For a moment I'm flying, just like the dandelions seeds. Then I hit the net.

"Name?" The person asks me.

"Charlotte." I respond.

The person helps me up with a jerk. "Last jumper, Charlotte."

The crowd is wild, though not as wild as they were for the first jumper. "Her name's _Charlotte_ and she's Dauntless born?"

"Apparently so." The man says. He turns to face me. "Are you the last-Hey." He cuts himself off. "You ran into me in the Pit yesterday."

I raise an eyebrow. The man is tall with wavy chocolate brown hair. His eyes are electric green and he's much taller than me. "Guess so."

He rolls his eyes at me and starts leading us with another trainer down the hall to the Pit. The second man pipes up. "This is where we split." He says. "Transfers come with me for your tour." All the transfers form a line and follow their trainer, Daren, I think. Josh is at the back of the line. She points to our trainer and mouths a three-letter word.

_Hot._

I roll my eyes as she disappears behind the door. "Usually I'm ambassador to the factions but, for the next few weeks, I am your trainer. My name is Bennett."

Bennett.

"We're going to dinner. You know what to go and what to do. When you're done Eric'll show you the dorms."

We file into the Pit when someone catches my arm. "Charlotte," He says softly. "I'm really sorry about you and Lucas."

I shake my head. "Don't even bring it up, Ash." I say. Lucas' best friend, he's nice but nosey. "He's the last thing I want to think about."

Bennett interrupts our conversation by standing over us. "Dinner." He says. Ash and I turn away, but I catch something under Bennett's sleeve. A tattoo. Thorns and a vine? I wonder what it is….

I look at Ash and we walk to the dinning hall. The transfers are at the Chasm, I see Ollie and Josh and make a mental note of saving them seats.

I find an empty table and sit with my dinner, waiting for them. Someone slides a chair out and I flick my eyes up.

"Why aren't you sitting with the Dauntless born?"

Bennett.

What do I say to that? I just shrug. "Why are you sitting with me?"

"You looked lonely." He responds.

I stare at him with narrow eyes. "I may be alone, but I'm not lonely."

"Well then, my apologies for trying to be friendly." He stands up. "They're watching you." He says without looking at me.

Panic settles in my stomach. Who's watching me? Do they know I'm Divergent? What are they-

The Dauntless born. The girl, Mariah. That's who's watching me. Relief floods me.

Just the insignificant Dauntless born.

Insignificant like my dandelion.


	6. Chapter 6

"_But he who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose." –Anne Brontë_

The last time I was in this room, I was with Lucas. He was teaching me how to shoot a gun. I can still remember the feel of his arms wrapped around me, protecting me, absorbing the recoil.

It's all I can think about as Bennett shows us how to shoot.

I remember falling back on Lucas. We laughed as he held me to his chest and we kissed. We probably did more kissing than anything else. His lips were soft and warm in the cold room, keeping me hotter than any sunshine could.

"Charlotte?" Bennett says snapping me from my daze. I stare at him, into the green eyes, answering without saying a word. A trigger is pulled, then another, then another.

We're shooting now.

I stare at the target with intensity. Lucas pops up in the back of my mind and I pull the trigger. The gun fires and I stumble back from the recoil. This is harder than I thought.

Bennett assesses each of us moving down the line.

I keep trying, but can't seem to get the aim right. I look around to see I'm the only one who hasn't hit the target yet. I try one more time and miss the target by a few inches.

Bennett appears behind me with crossed arms. "Can you not shoot a gun, Charlotte? You are Dauntless born aren't you?" He laughs cruelly. "You won't be for long if you keep aiming like that. You can kiss that gun good bye and pack for the factionless if-"

"Bennett!" I snap at him. "Just _shut up_." I inhale deeply. I'm not going back there. I can't go back there. "You don't know me. You don't know the _Hell_ I've gone through to be where I am now. If you could just stop with the ignorant comments then I would be more than happy to show you how capable I am of shooting this gun."

The corners of his lips twitch, as his eyes narrow. He jerks my arm and stares at me, his face inches from mine. "Do _not_ give me attitude, Charlotte. I'm only here to help you, and might I remind you, _I_ am in charge around here." He drops my arm and I feel heavy. Sluggish. "Now shoot."

My face is red with anger and embarrassment as I hold the gun up. "Look at her!" A female voice taunts. "She's as red as a rose!" Mariah. "Let's see you hit the target, _Rosie_."

Bennett smirks a little. "Shoot the target, _Rosie_."

I suck in a deep breath and fire. It hits the edge of the board and Bennett shakes his head. "Break for lunch, all except _Rosie_." He says Rosie slower than the other words.

He says it like a threat.

Mariah tosses her straight dark hair over her shoulder she laughs, scrunching her big nose when she does. Two girls follow her out. I don't know their names.

Ash is the last one out. He gives me a sympathetic smile and lets the door shut with a quiet click.

Bennett stares at me. I wonder what he's thinking in his perfect body and dark aura. I can just imagine his assessing me. Finding my weak points.

"You're not Dauntless born." He says still staring into my eyes.

I raise an eyebrow, enabling him to elaborate. "You've got curly blonde hair and a decent name. You're not from here."

"Where are you from?" I ask.

He raises his eyebrow. "Where do you think I'm from?" He asks. It bothers how cool and calm he is. How he can just erupt then smooth over in a matter of seconds.

"I think you're from nowhere." I raise the gun and fire, my hand jerking back a bit. My fingers are burning with the energy of shooting. It's a feeling I could get used too.

The bullet pierces dead center and the corner of his mouth tugs up.

"Just like me." I say setting the gun on the table. He walks up behind me and sets his lips close to my ear. The buzz is electric. Different from the gun, but still amiable.

"I knew it was you, Clements." He says then walks away. My heart speeds up in my chest. No one's said my last name in five years.

And it scares me, more than his outburst today, that he knows something about my past. Just what something, I don't quiet know.

oOo

"I want a tattoo." Ollie declares.

My head snaps towards him, my mouth full of food. "Yrour warntr ar whratr?"

"A tattoo, and don't talk with your mouth full Charlie. It's not becoming of a lady." He chastises. I throw a roll at him.

Josh cuts into her food. "Don't look now, but hottie's checkin' you out at five o'clock."

Of course I look over my shoulder involuntarily. He is looking at me.

Bennett is looking at me.

We hold a gaze until I break it. "It's too soon Josh." I say thinking of Lucas. I wonder what he's doing right now.

She shrugs. "If you don't want him, I'd be glad to take him." She leans back in her chair and stares at him. "God, the way his hair is all sexy and wavy and dark and hot and _sexy_." She breathes out. "God."

Ollie and I stare at her. "Maybe you should get a tattoo too Josh. You know, of his face." Ollie jokes.

I laugh. "Yeah. Then you can stare at it all you want."

Ollie chuckles. "I dare you to get it on your ass."

Josh chokes on her drink. "I'm sorry that I find beautiful people beautiful and enjoyable to look at."

"Looked in a mirror lately?" Ollie quips.

Josh and I look at each other. He just complemented Josh. Oh my.

"Rosie, Rosie, Rosie." A girl sings. Mariah.

Josh and Ollie look at each other. "Rosie?"

I sigh, thankful for the subject change.. "I, um, got a little fluttered in training today and, um, turned red… It inspired a new nickname, I guess."

Ollie swings an arm around my shoulder. "Well you'll always be Charlie to us."

oOo

It's safe to say that I'm better at punching a punching bag than shooting a gun.

"Well, _Rosie_, at least you're decent at something." Bennett taunts. I roll my eyes. "Hit harder. I know you can." He implies something with those words. But what exactly, I can't say...

The door creaks open. Eric. "Hello initiates." He says with inflection. "Tomorrow we start to fight." He stares at Bennett, talking to me. "Bennett a word?"

Bennett follows Eric without a word. I resume punching my bag. "Excited for fights tomorrow?" Mariah says to one of her friends.

The second girl grunts but doesn't answer. "Hey Rosie!?" Mariah calls.

I look up. It's probably not good that I responded to it, it'll stick to me now. "Yeah?"

"Ready for fights tomorrow?" She asks cockily.

I press my lips into a line and nod. She laughs. "Good, because it's gonna be you and me."

My skin is raw and red from punching, and it takes all I have not to hurt her. I could break her face if I wanted to. "The factionless will be waiting." I mutter and resume punching-harder, like Bennett told me too.

oOo

"You're not seriously going to do this Ollie, are you?" Josh asks.

Ollie nods. "I'm seriously going to do this. I am seriously going to get a tattoo." He sounds unsure. Wary.

I look around the shop. It's a nice little place filled with art, though I can't think of anything I'd want on my body _forever_.

"What are you going to get?" Josh asks.

He shrugs. "I can't decide. There are just to many choices. Charlie, you should get one too?"

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head. "Why?"

"Well... because I don't want to be alone….and because you'll pick something that matters to you. It's, like, inspiring to watch." He glamorizes.

I snort and grab the sketchpad from the table. I flip through until a specific sketch catches my eye.

"A dandelion." I say moving my hand to my right shoulder blade. Like my wish, my wish for love. Real love, not just Lucas' 'I love you…. now I'm leaving you.' Crap.

"See something you like?" A man asks me. He's tall with a husky build and a friendly smile. I think his name is Bud. I'm pretty sure I've heard Tris call him that before.

I nod and hand him and point to the drawing. "Can I have it here?" I set my hand to the back of my shoulder blade. "Kinda small and can you make the seeds turn into birds as it moves up to the nape of my neck?" I ask.

He nods with a smile. "Good choice. Dandelions symbolize dreams or wishes coming true."

A grin creeps up my face. Wishes coming true. "I figured it'd be something like that."

"Ready to get started?" He asks setting out the materials.

I nod and sit down, Josh and Ollie and my sides. "Ready."

Ollie chuckles and crosses his arms. "See I told you Charlie. Awe inspiring."

I laugh and then think about it…

Rosie's getting a dandelion tattoo.


	7. Chapter 7

"_I hate to lose more than I like to win."-Jimmy Connors_

When I walk into the training room the next morning, I'm nearly late. Bennett gives me a disapproving look but I ignore it. My shoulder still stings a bit from the tattoo needle. It's a pretty tattoo, the dandelion, small on my shoulder blade. The seeds look like they're being carried by the wind a they turn into birds; stopping at the place my neck begins.

"You begin fighting today." Bennett says. "There's an even number of you so you won't get a break from fighting." He rolls his eyes and turns around the chalkboard. The word _Sike_ is written across it in what I assume is Eric's handwriting. Bennett's looks more clear and delicate in the corner where it says _Bennett was here_. A very small smile crosses my face.

The other initiates look confused. I am too; I just try to not show it. The board should say our fighting pairs but it doesn't. My head turns to Eric for explanation. He smiles wickedly. "As a little twist to make it harder on you mentally, we'll be calling out the fighting pairs instead of writing them down. First fight, Ash verus Bain."

Ash prepares to fight in the middle of the arena with the blue light bouncing off his creamy brown eyes and dark brown skin. He doesn't look nervous as he faces his opponent, Bain. Ash has at least three inches on him, albeit Bain is broder. I look around and see how similar all the Dauntless born initiates look. They have dark hair, except for one of Mariah's minions who's hair is a dark red copper color.

I am the only blonde.

Me feet find their way towards Bennett's side of the training room and I end up standing next to a girl about four inches shorter than me with pale skin and narrow eyes. Her shiny black hair is pulled up into a ponytail. "I feel like there should be some epic music or something playing in the background."

I laugh. "I know right. Isn't it-" It takes me a minute to realize she wasn't talking to me. The boy next to her answers, "Delilah, Delilah. You come up with the weirdest most random ideas."

The embarrassment flashes in my eyes as I move farther from the girl. Ash gets a few good hits on Bain and doesn't try to seriously hurt him. I can tell Ash is going easy on him, once he and Lucas got in a fight with some boy from Candor, Nate. They practically beat him to a pulp in less than five minutes. Nate was pretty annoying, though.

The fight is quickly over and Ash bends down next to Bain. He whispers in his ear then picks him up. "I'll bring him to the infirma-"

"Is it over?" Bain asks groggily. The girl next to me, Delilah and her friend laugh, though it's not a mean laugh. Ash sets him down and starts talking to him. I'm pretty impressed with his behavior. He's a good sport. I can see why he and Lucas were best friends.

A heavy sigh escapes my mouth at the thought of Lucas. I know Abnegation don't fight. I don't know much about Abnegation initiation. I make a mental note to ask Tobias and Tris when I see them on Visiting Day. I'm not allowed to see them until then.

Bennett turns to look at me with raised eyebrows. "Next fight Kellen verus Lance." Eric calls with enthusiasm. He's getting very into this. I would worry about him if he wasn't a complete and utter asshat.

Kellen and Lance step into the ring. I recognize them from riding a train with them for six years, but I don't think I've ever talked to one of them. They're both tall and broad. Lance looks like he could be a twin with Ash, they have the same dark skin and wide eyes. I watch them closely as they fight. I know I might have to fight one of them, so I pay attention to their weak points and make mental note of them. Kellen is slow, and Lance likes to aim for the face.

Lance wins.

"Heath against Delilah." Eric calls. The girl that was talking earlier, Delilah walks to the ring. Her friend, apparently, is Heath. Halfway through the fight I can feel Bennett watching me. It's annoying and creepy but I refuse to look back at him. I watch Heath win. It didn't look hard because Delilah's very small.

Eric stands by Bennett and they converse about something. "No, it's better this way, because of the height average." Eric argues. My stomach lurches. Mariah and I are about the same height with her minions towering about two inches over us.

Bennett shakes his head. "No, the pairs need to be changed-" Heath walks past with Delilah in his arms and Eric stares sadistically.

"You could have done so much better." He says.

Heath nods, and I can tell it hurts him. "I'll try to be better next time."

Eric rolls his eyes and goes back to talking with Bennett. "You didn't see them in training, Eric." Bennett raises his voice. "I did." He hits the pad with his hand. "This is how it needs to be." He looks around the room. "Mariah verus Raven."

A sigh of relief comes out of my mouth. This means I'll be fighting the other minion whose name I don't remember. She's the one with copper hair, and green eyes. At least, I think she is.

Bennett puts his hand on my shoulder. I look at him. "I did you a favor." He says.

I shake my head and pay attention to the fight going on in front of me. I want to know every weak point Mariah has. "I hope so."

He removes his hand from my shoulder and walks back to his spot. Mariah is a flawless fighter. Crap. She's fast and strong and knows all the right spots to hit. I just pray I won't have to fight her. Bennett really did do me a favor. Maybe there is a heart underneath the black clothes and strange stares.

Mariah comes out the winner in minutes. I've heard Tobias say that Dauntless born fights go faster than transfers because we know what we're doing and have been assessing the other for sometime, even if we don't know it.

"Rosie against Moxie." Bennett calls. I shot him a glare and he just smirks. Nervousness fills my stomach as I step into the ring. Moxie is… fierce looking.

Mariah walks over to my old spot near Bennett and leans on the raining. "Kick her ass Mox!" She calls. I hold back a retort. What kind of name is _Moxie_? Bennett touches his face while looking at me. Weird.

I put my hands in front of my face and Moxie does the same as we circle each other. Moxie hits me first, but I duck. "I see why your boyfriend left you, you little tramp." She says. I gape at her.

"Who asked you?" I nail her in the face and feel my fist stinging with energy. "Bitch." She whimpers and I can see the burse forming on her face. "Don't remind me of him." She stands up and I hit her in the jaw this time. She's weakening. That's what Bennett was trying to tell me. Hit her in the face.

Is he trying to help _me_? "Ow!" I roll on the ground and hop back up. She cut my cheek. She tries to hit me in the face again but I grab her arm and bring my knee up to her stomach. Something Tobias thought me a long time ago. I flip her over my arm and she's out. I just won.

I just won.

"Dismissed." Eric says writing something on his note pad and walking out of the room. I don't want to, but I know I need to be a good sport. I bend down next to Moxie and lightly shake her.

"Hey, Hey wake up." I say into her ear. A hand on my back stops me and I look up.

"I'll deal with her go eat." He says. I stand up but he snags my wrist. I move closer to him and he licks his thumb skimming it along my cheekbone. The blood is gone, just a hairline scab.

I look at the floor then up at him. I don't know what to think of him, if he's trustworthy or not. Or why he's trying to help me. He lifts Moxie up over his shoulder. It could look romantic, but it doesn't. "Bennett?" I ask once he walks past me. "What do you know about me?"

Then he gives me his trademark smirk with an esoteric answer. "I only know what you want me to know." Then he walks out, Moxie with him.

oOo

"What happened to your face?" I ask Ollie as I sit down at the lunch table. Josh is still in line, but that doesn't stop us from conversation.

He looks a little embarrassed with puffy lips and cut cheeks. "The first jumper, Patrick, um….he kind of-"

Josh sits down and completes his sentence. "Kind of kicked your ass."

Ollie shakes his head. "Well you don't get to comment little Miss-I-didn't-have-to-fight."

Josh didn't have to fight? "Why?" I ask.

"Odd number." They say in unison. "Who did you fight? I'm guessing you won since you don't have a scratch on you." Josh says.

An annoying laugh is stifled as someone sits at our table. "She had to fight Moxie and afterwards got it on with the trainer." Mariah says.

I can feel the embarrassment from her false accusation flood my face. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, that's right _Rosie_. Mox told us all about it." She quips.

I raise an eyebrow. "Well there's not much to tell-"

"She said that you went and threw yourself at him and then you two started making out." Mariah suggests with anger and annoyance in her voice. I narrow my eyes with a smug grin. "You know what Charlotte rhymes with?" Mariah remarks. "_Harlot_."

I should be offended and embarrassed. I'm not. I give her a condensing look. "Good job, Mariah. You used a big word. Now can you spell it?"

She stands up with her hands on her hips. "I'm sorry, I'm not Erudite, bitch."

I scratch the back of my neck. "Clearly."

She throws a fork at me, and a catch it. "Good throw."

"Bitch." She says again before walking away.

I lean back in my chair. "Is that her only vocabulary word?" I ask rhetorically.

"Well she also called you a harlot." Ollie points out.

Josh smiles. "So did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Did you and Bennett….erhm?" She gives me a face and I laugh while shaking my head.

"No, I asked him a question and he wiped some blood of my face." I think that's what happened. I wasn't paying close attention.

Josh smiles mockingly. "How romantic." Ollie grins and I laugh as we sink back into our friendly conversations. I'm glad we're all here in Dauntless, but I don't know how long any of us will stay here.


	8. Chapter 8

"_A champion needs a motivation above and beyond winning." –Pat Riley _

It's nice fighting first, taking the pressure and nerves off of waiting. It's whom I'm fighting, that makes me nervous. Ash is _at least_ eight inches taller than me. Not to mention stronger and broader.

Can I accept defeat _now_?

The start to our fight is an awkward one; we begin by circling each other slowly. It's ridiculous how fearful his deep brown eyes look. I give him a small smile before punching him in the jaw. My hand stings with the pain from contact. I figure the best way to hurt him without causing too much pain is an uppercut, so I move in closer and jab him in the head a few times. He blocks the first few, but I'm too fast for him.

I feel terrible, like I'm going to throw up, as he rolls to the ground. I kneel down next him. "Ash," I ask quietly. "Ash, are you okay?"

His eyes flutter a little and Bennett leans in next to him. Ash smiles when he sees my face. "Now I see why Lucas loved you." Bennett gives me a look and I shrug. Maybe if I play it off like Ash's delirious, Bennett won't make any assumptions. "You're gorgeous_ and_ smart _and _a badass."

"Lucas?" Bennett asks.

I sigh, thinking of him. "Ex boyfriend."

Ash starts to stand up. "Best friend."

We give each other the same annoyed and gossipy girl look. "Transferred." We say in unison.

"Get out of the ring! Other people have too fight to you know! Save your chit chat for later!" Eric barks. Ash and I scramble to get out, but Bennett takes his time. I end up wondering if Eric trained him, or Tobias did.

oOo

I find myself staring at Bennett more and more during fights. It's dumb, because I should be assessing Mariah and/or Lance's fighting skills, but I know they'd both beat me, so I don't bother.

The sounds coming from the ring are primal and barbaric. Mariah's winning though. I can tell from Bennett's the slightly pissed and annoyed posture. Eric looks excited for some action, since Moxie pummeled Heath in less than thirty seconds and Bain had one hit on Delilah before she was out cold.

To me, those two look like the weak links, but what do I know.

I know I need to stop watching Bennett. It's creepy and austere, but I continue doing it. In some ways, it feels like cheating. Even if Lucas and I aren't dating anymore, parts of me still love him. I say that to myself on the surface of my mind, but deep inside I miss our memories more than him. I miss having someone's arms wrapped around me, having someone to kiss and someone to love.

I don't need anyone though. I never have and never will.

"Are you even paying attention?" Someone barks in my face. I blink a couple times and see Eric looking at me with the holes in his piercings stretched wide.

"No." I reply honestly. I'm not Candor, but sometimes the honesty feels like rebellion.

It feels Dauntless.

Eric jerks my by the arm and Bennett stiffens. "Look Rosie, I'm sick and tired of your little_ innocent_ girl act."

Images of my childhood flash in front of my eyelids. I can see the beatings. I can see the abuse. I can see my face in the cracked hand mirror the next morning. "I am anything but innocent." I nearly whisper trying to shy off his hands.

Another person grabs my other arm so I feel like a rag doll stretched to the limits. If I could do one thing right now, it would be scream. "Come with me." Bennett says sternly. "I'll talk to her." He says to Eric.

Eric shoves me away so I spiral into Bennett. Hitting my nose on his solid chest, I pull away from him so there's a considerable distance between us. "Follow." Bennett demands.

I fall in step next to him, until we're out of the training room. I almost feel like I'm being chastised when I walk through the Pit. The glances from the other Dauntless in the middle of their conversations feels like a firm scolding. It shouldn't feel like that, but it does.

Bennett takes me into a hallway I've only been in a few times from when I was younger. I know it's the faction ambassador's office hallway.

Government jobs.

I can only assume we walk into his office since there isn't anything very personal in the room. No picture frames of girlfriends, no name plate or title. The only thing that even hints as personal is the image of the office itself. Organized and tidy. Everything has a place.

I sit on top of Bennett's desk, mostly because he only has one chair and it's his. Why I'm here is questionable, but I don't feel particularly safe. I have the strange urge to keep looking behind me and make sure there's nothing, or no one, there. "What exactly were you doing, smarting off to Eric?" Bennett asks sitting next to me. I don't want to scoot away, but I cross my ankles to make me feel a little better.

"I wasn't listening, I just told him that?" I reply like a question.

Bennett sighs. "Rose, you can't just mouth off to Eric without consequences..."

"This is my consequence." I quip, wondering why he called me Rose instead of Rosie.

Bennett raises and eyebrow and tilts his head. I know what's coming out of his mouth before he even says it. "Talking to me is a consequence?"

"No." I snap. "It's being chided by you." I close my eyes and mutter under my breath, "It's embarrassing." Even if he doesn't know it, I just admitted something to him.

"Look at me." Bennett says. I stare into his bright green eyes. "You can't focus on the now, think about the future."

I shake my head. "Imagining the future is a type of nostalgia." I quote from one of my favorite books.

Bennett rolls his eyes. "You have to stay, Rose, you can't leave here."

I shake my head and have an image of Levi waiting for me after failing initiation, becoming factionless. It's not a good image. "Bennett, you don't know what's at stake for me."

Bennett licks his lips. "I know more than you think I know."

I shake my head. "No, you don't, you just want me to stay because it makes you look good as a trainer and Eric will think-" I'm crushed by the sensation of lips on mine. Bennett's hand rests on my cheek and he has a hand on my hip. I want to push him away. I need to push him away.

I don't.

I kiss him back, wrapping my hands in his curly brown hair, inhaling every sensation and detail from the buzz in my toes down to the pounding of my heart. It's the greatest feeling, being pressed up against him, something like a secret that only he is privy to. I pull away and he kisses me on the nose.

"Do you understand _now_ why you have to stay?" He asks with a small smile and faint blush.

I laugh a little and rest my head on his chest. "Maybe you'll have to explain it one more time."

He grins at me. "Anything to get the message across." He says pressing his lips to mine again. It's terrible, I know, kissing the trainer. Kissing Bennett, but I can't stop. It's the way we fit perfectly in each other's arms.

"What the Hell is going on here?" A stern voice says.

Bennett and I pull away from each other. I move off his lap, how did I even get there? It's not Eric, it's worse.

Tobias.

"Nothing?" I offer up.

Tobias gives me a glare and I hop off the desk. He walks to Bennett in short strides. "What the Hell were you doing to my little _sister_?"

I step in front of him. "It's not a big deal it's just-"

"It's a big damn deal, Charlotte." He shakes his head. "Shouldn't you be in training?" He questions.

I give him a look. "Shouldn't you?"

He shakes his head. "I'm not okay with this, but I won't tell anyone."

I snort. "Think of it this way, you and Tris were no different."

"It's the third day!" Tobias says.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms, I have to lie. "It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything."

Tobias rolls his eyes and glares at Bennett. "It sure looked like it meant something."

I shake my head. "Dead kiss." I look at Bennett and try to give him some sign I'm lying. That was the best damn kiss I've ever had. "I've had far better."

Bennett stands up. "We should probably get back to training."

Tobias shakes his head. "It's actually lunch time now."

The three of us stare awkwardly at each other until I turn and head to the Dining Hall. Bennett follows. We walk in silence until we're outside the Dining Hall. Bennett looks at me and my eyes stay on his lips. Those lips kissed _me_. And I kissed back. "Was it really nothing?" Bennett asks. "Are we really nothing?"

I shake my head. "It was just a kiss Bennett. You can't be with me." I cross my arms protectively. "If you knew how screwed up I was you wouldn't even want to in the first place…." I look towards the Dining Hall where Josh and Ollie have the most exaggerated facial expressions. They see me talking to Bennett and can't hide their grins.

I wonder how I look standing next to him. Probably short and stubborn, hiding in my baggy sweater and combat boots and him, tall and strong, with his wavy light brown hair and dazzling green eyes.

"Are you even listening?" He asks.

I snap out of my daze. "Huh? No…"

He shakes his head at me disapprovingly and I remind myself that he's my trainer, not my boyfriend. "You're such a smartass, Charlotte." He turns and walks into the Dining Hall.

It's bad that all I want to do is kiss him again.

"Better than a dumbass." I call behind him. I walk angrily to the table and sit down with Ollie and Josh.

Ollie smiles knowingly. "What was that about?"

"Nothing." I snap.

He looks at Josh. "You looked pretty," She coughs into her hand, debating between word choices, "_Personal _in the beginning."

I shake my head. "I just got in trouble."

Ollie's eyebrows rise. "And as punishment you went to his office and got it on?"

I give him a disgusted look. "You sound like Mariah." I shove my chair back and stand up. "I'll talk to you later."

With that I storm out of the Dinning Hall. I can feel a pair of eyes on me, and I know _exactly _whom they belong too. I want to look back.

But I've never looked back.

And I'm not starting today.

* * *

Big thank you to my lovely editor and best friend Lauren for proofing this chapter! You lovable walrus! Also thank y'all for your amazing reviews and support! This story is so much fun and reminds me why I started writing in the first place. You make it so much more fun :)

~AJ


	9. Chapter 9

"_Turn your scars into stars."-Robert H. Schuller_

Nearly every night since I was seven years old my nights flip back and fourth from insomnia and terrible nightmares.

This night though, I can't sleep for a different reason.

I'm tired of listening to the breathing of my competitors, knowing that one little trick of mine and they could be out of initiation for good.

I can't let my guard down.

Rolling off of my bottom bunk, which I share with Ash, I'm careful not to disturb anyone. It's almost annoying how Ash rolls over on the top bunk _right_ as I get up to leave.

I have no idea where I'm going.

But it doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere.

I can't go to the high point in the Pit, it wouldn't be the same without Lucas, and I can't go to Tris and Tobias' because it would be against the rules, plus Tobias probably wouldn't be to thrilled to see me and they might still be trying to get pregnant.

My heart speeds up as I think about it. I run a hand through my hair and fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt, hoping no one recognizes me as I walk through the Pit. I don't think they would, they're to drunk too notice.

I decide on the net to sort my thoughts, the weather being cool but not cold. The doors clang with a heavy sound leaving me with nothing more than the moon and stars to light my evening.

It's nice, climbing on the net and stretching out. I roll my sweat pants down and lay flat on my back, hands pressed to my stomach, blonde curls around me like a halo.

I've always felt a bit out of place in Tris and Tobias' little family. Even at their wedding, with all their friends trying to make me feel like I belonged, I knew I didn't. Tris looked stunning, beautiful princess dress and Tobias handsome and strong.

They were perfect.

I had a terrible feeling in my gut, even at ten, eleven, however old I was, knew that though I may be living with them, I was not _theirs_. I belonged to Evelyn Johnson and Jeff Clements, quickly realizing that having a child was not all fun and games at that time. I was left to my books.

And my abuser.

It makes it hard to think. To think that someone could love me, someone who knew my past, someone who actually wanted me. Then Lucas came along and made everything sort of better. I felt like he pitied me, though. He must not have really loved me if he left, too.

I always go back to that moment, that gorgeous and wonderful moment when Tris walked down the isle.

I wanted to throw up.

Nothing about me would ever be "normal" and I know that Tobias has a tragic backstory but not one like mine. Not one that really_ damaged_ you.

Not one that took your virginity.

I don't think about it though. I've learned, somehow, how to cut off that part of my brain. I just have to think about other things.

Bennett.

A nauseous feeling coats my stomach.

I should have told him that it was at least a decent kiss. I should have told him it maybe meant something. I shouldn't have lied to him. It's flattering, that he_ likes_ me, and he may know some of my past but nowhere near all of it.

If he did he would be _afraid_ to love me.

I laugh a little. Bennett? Love me? I didn't really just think that did I?

"Can't sleep?" A voice asks from the dark.

"Bennett?" I ask the tall broad figure. I don't know how I didn't hear the door open.

"Tobias." He answers, stepping on the net and shifting the weight. I should be pouting like a little girl and telling him to go away and stay away, but I've never been that kind of girl and I hopefully never will be. "What are you thinking about?" He asks.

It makes me think of Lucas, and our wonderful night before the aptitude test. The nauseous feeling returns to my stomach. "Everything."

He stares at the stars too, and mimics my position, his legs stretching at least eight inches farther than mine. "How did you know I was here?"

"Tris comes here when she wants to be alone." He pauses for a minute. "I figured you'd be here."

I don't say anything; I'm still a little annoyed with his behavior earlier, aside from it not working in my favor, it was nice to be protected by him. "Are you and Tris fighting?" I ask even though it's not my business.

"No." Tobias answers sharply. "Why do you ask?"

I shrug my shoulders at the sky. "Just wondering." We sit in silence for a little while, just staring at the stars. I've read in books that the sky used to be so full of them until the light pollution started to cloud them out. We live in a galaxy called the Milky Way, and there are an infinite number of other galaxies around us.

It's a strange concept to wrap your head around. Infinity. Since everything that we know has an end we can't imagine things never ending. At least I can't.

It's nice to think that I'm part of something larger than Dauntless. Larger than our society. Larger than the Earth and the Galaxy and the Universe.

Maybe somewhere, far away, love is infinite just like the cosmos.

Love is forever expanding.

"I know you're trying to have a baby."

Tobias sighs. "Yeah…."

I don't say anything even though this bothers me. Soon they'll have a baby of their own. And I'll be constantly reminded I'm not _theirs_.

"Bennett's a good guy Charlotte." He says turning to face me. "But I don't want too see you get hurt again."

I stare at my big brother and reply honestly, "I've been through to much to be hurt badly."

Tobias sighs and looks up at the sky. "You know you think you're invincible but you're not." He shakes his head a little, wobbling the net. "Every mirror can be shattered."

I inhale deeply. "Not if the mirror is already broken."

He wraps his arms around me protectively. "Charlotte…."

"I'll be fine." I say to him. "I'll always be fine."

He lets go of me. "You've always been a smart girl." He starts to climb off the net. "Keep it that way."

He walks back into the compound and I stare at the night sky, the forever-lovely night sky.

A cloud passes over the paper moon and I wonder what it would be like to walk on it, to go somewhere else to be someone new, to be a star.

If I was a star I'm sure I'd be bright.

Because the darkest nights produce the brightest stars.

* * *

Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback for this story! It's so much fun to write, especially with my proofreader/best friend Lauren :) Thank y'all!

AJ xo


	10. Chapter 10

"_The best thing to hold onto in life, is each other." –Audrey Hepburn_

Usually I'm always tired but today my mind seems exhausted from over thinking. Not knowing my pairing for the fight right away isn't helping my mental state either. "Your pairs were very easy to come up with today." Eric says with a wicked smile. "We're starting with the fewest wins then advancing." He looks to the notepad in Bennett's hand. "First up, Raven versus Delilah."

Everyone starts moving to his or her usual spot, we're creatures of habit. I watch both of them fight picking out their flaws. Delilah is afraid to hit Raven and Raven's form is a mess.

I look to my left, almost annoyed at how far away Bennett is from me. For God's sake, he kissed me yesterday, I shouldn't repulse him twenty-four hours later. He keeps his eyes locked on the fight, and I mimic him. "Kellen versus Ash!" Eric calls while Raven drags Delilah's body off the ring.

I hope Ash wins. Not just because we're bunk buddies, but also because Kellen is a jerk. He and his friend Lance get on my nerves with their cocky jock aura. People like Tobias and Bennett are the ones that should be acting like that since they're actually justified, not some stupid teenage boys.

Kellen is a few inches taller than Ash, but Ash looks more intimidating with his dark skin and deep eyes. Kellen hits first, but Ash dodges and I have a feeling this fight is going to be on the longer side.

I can feel my eyes wandering to Bennett then back to the heated fight. I've lost interest to my thoughts about Bennett. I remember Tris saying he was from Erudite but he doesn't act that way. Most Erudite have a cocky smartass vibe with steady eyes and loads of confidence. Maybe Dauntless initiation washed out all the past traits, but surely there would be some left, especially if-"Winner!" Eric shouts proudly.

I snap back to attention and see Ash with a huge bruise on his arm and a wide smile on his face. I smile back at him. He needed this, especially the recognition from Eric. Ash wobbles off the ring, and Bennett lifts up Kellen. Ash comes to stand next to me and I smile. "Great job." I tell him, even if I wasn't very attentive to his fight.

He smiles and gives me a pat on the back. "Thanks, Rosie."

I snort a little and don't wiggle out of his touch. It's nice to have Dauntless friends. Ash pulls his hand away like it retracts and I give him a funny look. Turning back to the ring the remains of a death glare sit on the surface of Bennett's face.

Bain and Heath fight next. It's quick, with Bain beating the crap out of Heath. I almost feel bad for him, but I don't. As for Bain, I don't think he's a ruthless shaggy haired jerk, just a guy trying to make the top ten.

"Lance versus Moxie!" Eric calls. I can feel Bennett watching me as the reality hits me. Mariah and I are the only people who've yet to fight. I'm fighting Mariah.

Mariah is fighting me.

I can't even watch the fight going on in front of me, I can only feel the nervousness pooling in the bottom of my stomach. If I threw up would they make me fight? Oh whom am I kidding; this is Dauntless for God's sake. They'd make me fight if I had no legs.

I won't even be able to tell Ollie and Josh about it because they're paying a trip to the fence today. The same trip we'll take tomorrow. They'll probably be seeing some Amity with red apples in the back of their truck, while the same color red pours from my body during my fight.

Optimistic, Charlotte. Really optimistic.

Lance wins, which is not surprising. I'm glad. Not because he won, more because Moxie lost and that means Mariah won't get the lovely triple victory from her little posse. "Mariah versus Rosie." Eric calls.

My legs feel like jelly as I move to the ring. Am I as pale as I feel? I hope not. Bennett watches with sad eyes and I try to ignore him. My stomach somersaults at the idea of satisfying Mariah.

Or maybe at the idea of disappointing Bennett.

Mariah walks like a diva to the ring and flips her shiny straight hair over one shoulder. I hope there's no hair pulling. I put my fists up to protect my face and Mariah mimics me.

I wait for her to punch my in the face like she usually does to her opponents but she never does. My legs are kicked out from under me leaving me on the ground, nearly defenseless. _On your feet._

I try to stand up but Mariah hits me in the face knocking me back down. I can feel her looking at me and I take the opportunity. My leg flies out to pull her legs out from under her. "Wo-Ow!" She huffs on the ground. I scramble to my feet but I'm too late. She grins at me and I feel an aching pain in my temple that knocks me to the ground. I swear I hear a heavy "Stop!" but it's just my imagination.

It is the last thing I hear, before I'm out.

oOo

I don't remember the ground being this comfortable. It's a lot like a bed or a couch, soft and safe only it's not. It's the ground. I'm lying on the ground.

What?

There's a heavy ache in my bones when I sit up. My head is pounding and my eyes are sticky. I blink them slowly until they're ready to open completely. I can tell they're swollen. "You okay?" Someone asks. The voice is deep and smooth.

Bennett.

"I don't know." I answer. "I feel like dead weight." I roll my neck and for some reason it only makes my head feel worse.

Bennett enters my line of vision. "Can you stand up?" He holds a hand out to me, then the second one, crossing them so my arms aren't ripped out of their sockets.

I laugh on the inside. "I guess so." We stand there uncomfortable for a moment. "Why didn't you take me to the infirmary?"

He shrugs. "You didn't need to go."

"Didn't need to go?" I shake my head at him. "Bennett, I feel like a sack of bones with someone banging and hammer on my head."

He stares at me. "Mariah didn't need the satisfaction of seeing you there." He crosses his arms. "I thought you'd want that."

"I see your point." I mutter, silently thanking him. My eyes are dry and I feel like crying. The idea of losing, of going back to the factionless is too scary to bear. It's always been a possibility.

He sighs and moves closer. "You can cry, Charlotte." He puts his fingers to my chin and tilts my face to look at him. "Crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."

My face starts to twitch and I can feel the water works. It's something I haven't done in a while, just cried. When the first tear comes, it's a big one filled with mascara and eyeliner. It leaves a streak down my face, just like the ones to come. "I-I-I lied to y-y-y-you yesterd-d-day." I tell Bennett. He stays expressionless watching me. "I-I-I-It was a g-g-g-good kis-s-s." I say trying to smile.

He wraps an arm around me and pulls me to his side. He doesn't coddle me though; he treats me like I'm strong.

And I am.

"You know what Rosie?" He says turning to me. "You're beautiful even when you cry."

I laugh a little. "Y-y-yeah. I'm always p-p-p-pretty."

He rubs his hand up my arm in a comforting way. "No. Always _beautiful_."

"Y-y-y-you l-l-like me." I say still crying. "W-w-w-w-why t-t-tell me now?"

He gently kisses the bruise on my head. "We believe, not just in bold words but bold actions to match them."

I smile a little. Maybe he was Erudite, memorizing the manifestos. "Deeds. Bold deeds." I correct him.

He smiles at me with his eyes and wipes a tear from my face the same way he wiped blood a few days ago. "That's why." He stands up and jerks me up with him. "That's why I like you, Charlotte." Not Rosie. Charlotte. "Go back to the dorms and get some sleep. It's a long ride to the fence tomorrow."

I nod. "So we're friends?" I ask.

Bennett raises his eyebrow. "Friends until we can be more." Then he turns and walks out of the training room and I'm left alone with the words ringing in my head.

Bennett. Tall, sexy, mysterious Bennett wants to be more than friends. I smile with tears running down my face. No one could want to be more than friends with me.

It may be a lie, but at least it's hopeful.

* * *

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing! This story is SO fun to write. Also thank you too Lauren, my wonderful editor/proofer/beta for doing a great job and putting up with all my dirty jokes :) and Josh (panemsbest) for creating a wonderful spin off to this story titled "Fight or Flight" (You should read it, it's great) which I have yet to review the most recent chapter because I am a bad (terrible, really) communicator. Thank y'all so much!

AJxo


	11. Chapter 11

"_Forget the past." –Nelson Mandela _

When I wake in the morning I'm sore all over. Ash climbs down and gives me a pitiful look. It bothers me; I've always hated pity. He helps me up though, the same way Bennett did, but less romantic.

Mariah gossips about me, Her hair now streaked green and purple. It looks stupid to be honest, but I don't say it to her face. I don't need anymore bruises.

Ash walks with me behind the rest of the initiates. I see Ollie and Josh laughing together with smiles on their faces. I wave to them and they smile at me, Josh winking and tilting her head left. I look that direction and see Bennett walking in front of all of us. She winks at me drastically and I laugh a little.

It's hot outside, to hot for my thin black sweater and dark jeans. My boots cast prints in the ones made before me, mine being much smaller than the others. Bennett speaks up as we wait for the train. He talk about the fence and how we'll end up there if we make don't make the top ten.

The train comes and we start running along with the tracks. My feet ache and my head still thumps a little from yesterday. I didn't bother looking in the mirror, I know my bruise is bad and the cut from my fight with Moxie is still there. I just closed my eyes and applied mascara.

Bennett sees me struggling, well everyone sees me struggling, but Bennett's the only one that bothers to help me. He wraps an arm around my waist lifts me up into the train car. His typical frown is still there, but his eyes smile. "Your bruise looks better." He says making sure everyone gets in a car.

He lifts Delilah and Heath in the same way he lifted me, though he doesn't say anything to them. When he's finished, I watch him for a while as he hangs out the door; he looks like he's flying, or about too. He slides the door shut with a heavy thump.

Bennett slides down in the corner away from Heath and Delilah and closer to me and I yawn. There isn't much light peaking though the rusty train car, and the bit that is looks gray and overcast from the clouds.

I can only sleep in daylight…usually. I know the ride to the fence is a long one. So long that I didn't even get to see Ollie and Josh yesterday because they were here. I let my head roll onto my shoulder and listen to the rumble and quiet feel of the train.

And before I know it, I fall into a blissful dreamless sleep.

oOo

I wake up to the shuffling off feet and a smirk on Bennett's face. "You talk in your sleep."

"I do not." I say defensively.

He helps me up with a jerk. "Then tell us again how much you like boys with green eyes."

My mouth falls open again and he winks at me, with his forest green eyes. I can feel the blush rush to my cheeks and I jump out of the car with Delilah and Heath.

Bennett goes on about how we'll end up at the fence if we don't make the top five and how there isn't much room for advancement. I don't listen; I daydream away until something catches my eye.

An ugly truck pulls up and I expect it to be full of Amity. But it's not.

It's full of Abnegation initiates.

A nervous energy fills the middle of my chest. I read somewhere that nervousness is the negative version of excitement. So the butterflies in my stomach must be having one Hell of a party.

A few initiates step out of the truck. I look for the light brown hair, and his build. If I wouldn't have known him so well, I never would have noticed it was him. He looks so different.

"Lucas." He turns around and looks at me, no expression crossing his face.

Bennett walks over to me and touches me on the back protectively. "Rosie, you're not supposed too-"

"Just give me a second." I say swatting his hand away and marching up to Lucas. He looks very covered in the standard Abnegation robes; so different from the tight black shirts and loose fighting jeans he used to wear.

He smiles at me. "Charlotte." He bends over and bows like he's been doing it for years and I shake my head. He looks closer at me. "What happened to you?"

"Initiation." I say. "That's what happened."

He sighs. "I am so sorry this happened to you, and tomorrow's our anniversary…"

The anniversary of our first kiss. I completely forgot about that. Quickly I regain my wit and snort. "No you're not." I shake my head at him and cross my arms. "You were supposed to be here with me. We were supposed to be _together. Forever._"

"Charlotte." He whispers, his eyes flickering to the floor and back to me the way Bennett's usually do. "You need to let go."

"You obviously already have." I snap.

A girl dressed in the same robes walks over. "Lucas, we need to go assist the Amity at their harvest?" She says after bowing before me.

I glare at both of them and step close to Lucas. I stand on my tiptoes so our lips touch, but we're not kissing. "I thought you loved me?" I say.

He sighs onto my lips sadly and they still taste like him. "Past tense."

I look into his eyes and slowly lock our lips one last time. His hand wraps around my waist protectively and my hand finds his hair. It's been to long.

It's been to long since I've kissed him like this.

Everything fades away when I kiss him, but it's not the same. Our lips don't move as one the way they usually do and it feels lifeless and lacking. I can't help but think of how my kiss with Bennett was worlds better.

I pull away and look at his ice blue eyes one last time. "I'm sorry I don't love you anymore." He says detaching his limbs from mine.

A older woman calls out "Lucas." At the same time Bennett calls out "Charlotte." We pull away and I stare at him. "You suck." I say as Bennett grabs one of my arms and jerks me back.

Bennett's face is flushed with anger and I'm sure he's going to yell at me. "What the Hell was that?" He asks.

"I just-"

"You cannot just go kissing people from other factions!" He yells at me. "Especially Abnegation! God dammit, Charlotte I though you where smarter than that." He moves in close to me. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

I shake my head and hold back the tears that are in my eyes. I though Bennett liked me. I thought Lucas loved me.

In reality, no one is fond of me.

"You know what?" Bennett says moving in even closer. Our air is the same now and the atmosphere around us is so thick you could cut it with a knife. "You're nothing but a blonde bimbo." He whispers.

My head snaps up. "And you're a total jerk. You're an ass, Bennett." I yell at him, "You're nothing but a filthy ass!"

"Cleaning duty." He says sternly.

I snort. "What?"

"You're on cleaning duty for the next week. Both dormitory bathrooms."

I roll my eyes. "You can't make me do that."

"Fine then." He says with a rise of his eyebrows. "We'll let you off at the factionless sector."

My eyes narrow and I flicker them away. "When do I start?"

He gives me a smug grin. "I'll tell you when."

I roll my eyes in front of him and he just shakes his head. People start running towards the train tracks. "Come on, Rosie." He says with a heavy glare. "Wouldn't want to leave you with your selfless buddies."

We start to run and jump on the train, only this time I get up alone.

This time I don't need Bennett's help.

I'm alone on the train car this time, everyone else in the one in front of me. I sit on the edge and let a tear fall.

But I don't know who it's falling for.

* * *

A/N

A reviewer suggested I post chapter previews on my Tumblr (linked in my bio) and I'm more than happy to do that :) Thank y'all for all the feedback and support! It's amazing to see how much you seem to enjoy reading about Charlotte.

AJxo


	12. Chapter 12

"_Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend." –Sarah Dessen_

Vomiting is one of the most bittersweet feelings. You sit and feel crappy for about four minutes until you release all the terrible toxins and feel better. It doesn't make sense though. Why do we hold on for that long even if we know it's hurting us?

I wipe my mouth with the corner of my hand and stick my head under the faucet. Usually when I felt sick as a teenager I would just lay on the bathroom floor until I either felt better or feel asleep with my face stuck to the side of the toilet bowl. Not the most sanitary thing I've ever done…

Mariah and her groupies stand in front of me in their tight pajamas. I stick to gigantic loose shirts and comfy underwear. "So Rosie just puked?" Moxie says with a snicker.

"How sad," Raven says looking towards Moxie as they simultaneously flick their hair over their shoulders. Wonder how long it took to choreograph that. "Our little flower is sick." She says.

Mariah laughs slowly. "Oh puh-lease. She's not sick she's probably pregnant." The three bitches burst out laughing.

I inhale slowly and lace my fingers together. "Oh my God." I say rolling my eyes. "How can you be that God damn stupid?" She tilts her head. "Seriously." I say loudly. "You're a total idiot. Out of all these people," I say gesturing to the boys who are now watching our conversation intensely. "Whom would I sleep with? I mean, the attractive ones are total jerks, and Ash who's-"

"Who's gay." He says very proudly.

I let my hand flick out to him. "Thank you." I say staring at Mariah. "You are such an absolute airhead it makes me sick." I walk out to the water fountain. "Literally."

The blue light shines over my legs and I let the tiny sips of water run coolly down my throat. "Rose." Someone whispers over my shoulder.

My head snaps up and I jump back. "God." I say staring at Bennett. "You scared me."

"Sorry." He grunts. "I just need to tell you I'm-"

"What?" I say like a ditz cutting him off. "What'd ya say?" I start to twist my hair around my finger and lean against the fountain. "I'm justa stupid blonde bimbo that can't understand anything." I let a fake smirk cross my face. "Want me ta blow ya in the bathroom?"

He glares at me. "I'm sorry for calling you that. I really am."

"Yeah." I say dropping my hand and standing up straight. "It hurt."

He sighs and moves closer to me. "Sometimes I just forget you're capable of being hurt." He looks at the floor sadly.

"I just hurled." I spout randomly trying to do anything to keep our conversation going.

"That sucks." he says pressing his hand to my cheek then my forehead. "Do you think it was-"

A heavy thumping lurks down the hall. "What's going on here?" Eric's voice booms as he shines a bright light on us.

Bennett remains calm. "I was coming to wake up the initiates when I saw her."

Eric looks at me for more explanation. "I just threw up." I explain. "Bad burger."

Bennett puts his hand to my forehead. "She can probably play. She's not very warm."

I push his hand away from me convincingly. "I'm fine."

Eric just rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Get back in bed."

My heart stops for a second and I see Levi in front of me. His eyes are all I see in Eric's face. "What?" I whisper, my heart pounding.

Eric crosses his arms and looks at Bennett. "Go back to sleep." He says.

I inhale slowly and turn around to the dorm. I shut the door slowly and climb back under the sheets, trying to fill my head with rubbish and unimportant things.

_WHAM!_

I shoot straight up missing the huge bar on the bunk bed by _this much_. I inhale slowly. My bruise doesn't need to be any worse than it already is. "Get up!" Eric barks shining flashlights in our eyes. "Now." He barks.

My feet feel sluggish as I move around the room. "We're playing Capture the Flag tonight. Make sure you get to the train in time."

Eric slams the door and Kellen turns to face Ash. "More like Capture the Fag." He says grabbing Ash in a headlock and squeezing him tightly.

"Hey!" I yell running up to him and jumping on his back. "Let him go!"

"Get off me!" Kellen yells trying to throw my off, dropping Ash on the floor.

I kick him in the side. "Don't touch him." I say sliding of Kellen.

He glares at me. "Watch your back Rosie." Then he turns and walks away.

I help Ash up. "You okay?" I ask.

He coughs and brushes my hair back. "Yeah." He says standing up straighter. "Thanks for…helping." He stares at me. "Don't make to many enemies." He says. "I don't want you to get hurt."

I nod, even though I know I can handle myself. I throw on a light sweater, it may be summer but it still gets cold outside.

My mouth still smells like vomit, so I walk back into the bathroom and rinse it out again. I put on some lipstick and eyeliner, and then color my blue bruise with powder. Stupid Mariah.

I walk to the transfer's dorm rooms looking for Josh and Ollie.

Ollie walks out and slings an arm around my shoulder. "Charlie with your big fat eyes and your big fat frown."

I laugh and flick him in the head. "Goofball."

"Pansycake." He corrects me.

I laugh again as Josh emerges. "Where are we going?" She asks curiously.

"Millennium." I say. "Just to piss Erudite off."

Ollie smiles. "Then I am in, one thousand percent."

My grin grows wider as Josh puts her arm around me too. "Then lets go."

The three of us; this is all I'll ever need.

And all I've ever wanted.

oOo

I fiddle with the strap of my paintball gun and sling it over my shoulder. It doesn't feel like a gun, it feels like the thing that's been missing from my hand. That's a Dauntless thought. And it is mine.

"Okay!" Eric barks. Everyone stiffens in his presence. I fidget with the earrings in my cartilage, trying to look casual. "To make things _fair_, the teams will be Bennett and Four versus Darden and Me."

My eyes widen and I look to see Bennett and Tobias talking about something. It's strange seeing them together, like they're the same person in different bodies. I need to be on thier team.

Their team will win.

"Lets divvy up transfers first." Eric says with a wicked grin as he scans the crowd.

Josh whispers in my ear, "Did he just say _divvy_?"

I want to laugh but Eric seems to be dangerously close so hold it in and smile through my eyes. "You." Eric says pointing to a tall boy. His freckles suggest he was from Amity, but everything else about him screams Dauntless. He must have had Dauntless born parents. "Your name?"

"Wes." The boy answers firmly. Yup. Definitely Amity.

Tobias and Bennett exchange a look. "Nate." A scrawny blonde boy steps forward and smiles.

Eric shakes his head. "Patrick." He says to the first jumper. He's really cute with shaggy brown hair and a crooked smile.

Bennett and Tobias look at each other communicating silently. "Ollie." Tobias says. Ollie wears a smile of pride as he walks forward. At least he's on the good team

Eric weaves in-between all of us. "You." He says to Josh. "Your name?"

"Josh." She replies.

Eric raises his left eyebrow and Josh walks over to his side. She fits well next to Patrick and Wes. Tall, stoic, and intimidating.

And I just look like a blonde bimbo.

"Jess." Four calls out. A scrawny tall girl stands out and walks quietly behind them.

Eric stares at a girl about my height with a curly light brown bob. "Hayden." He says and she files behind him. "That's all the transfers?" Eric asks strongly.

"Yes." Four says. "Time to divvy up the Dauntless born." He says mocking Eric. A small smile crosses my face and a few nervous chuckles escape the rest of the crowd.

Bennett steps forward. It's smart how he and Tobias decided to choose. Tobias knows the transfers and Bennett knows us. Their team must have more skill than Eric's who judged transfers by appearance instead of ability. "Heath." Bennett says.

I suppress a look. Heath? Out of all the people? Weak Heath? Why not me?

Eric chuckles. "Kellen."

"Delilah."

"Lance."

"Mariah." _Mariah? _Bennett chooses Mariah before me? I guess making up in the hallway didn't really count for anything then.

"Ash."

I stare at Bennett commanding him silently to _pick me_. "Moxie." He says. A rude snort escapes me. He widens his eyes, cautioning me.

"Bain."

Last chance Bennett. Pick me. Why wouldn't he pick me? I'm fast. I'm pretty. God, I thought we made up in the hallway. "Raven."

What an idiot.

Eric lets out a dramatic sigh. "I guess I'm stuck with Charlotte." Eric says motioning me towards him. I walk next to Josh and Ash feeling short even though I'm five four. Tobias shrugs at me.

He turns to Eric and Bennett turn to Darden. I wonder if they have the same rivalry Tobias and Eric have.

"Game on?" Tobias says extending his hand to Eric.

Eric grins a little and shakes Tobias' hand. "Game. On."

oOo

Josh and I slip away from the group. We head away from the fountain and towards the Great Lawn. "Wait." I say halfway there, stopping in my tracks. I bend down and untie my shoes, paintball gun getting in the way and flopping around annoyingly. "I don't want to leave tracks." I explain.

Josh nods and takes off her shoes too. Even though the fountains have been long since dried up, there are still some puddles that have yet to be evaporated.

The dead grass tickles under my bare feet aggressively. Josh and I lay down dead center in the middle of the lawn. I like the bars that sit over the Great Lawn, even if some of them have collapsed and are about too. It reminds us that even in freedom, there is restraint.

I fold my hands behind my head. "So…" I say staring at the stars, "What's up with you?"

"Not much." She says digging her foot into the ground. "Fights and stuff are going well for me and Ollie." She shrugs her shoulders at the sky silently.

My thumbs twiddle at my sides and I know we should be engaged in capture the flag, but my friendship with Josh is more important.

She sighs quietly. "What are you hiding from me?"

"What?" I ask.

She places her hands on her stomach. "You're hiding something from me. I can tell, I just don't know what it is."

I sigh and debate whether or not I should tell her about Bennett. It's probably not a good idea mostly because she was Candor. But I won't judge her by her past.

I'd hate for people to judge me like that.

"A lot of things, actually." I run my hands over my face. "You can't tell anyone though."

"I know." She says. "I promise."

I take a big breath. "You know how Abnegation sometimes go to help Amity harvest?" I ask.

She shakes her head at the sky. "No…"

"Well they do." I say. "When we were at the fence today…I saw Lucas."

She keeps her straight face. "What'd he say?"

I shrug my shoulders. "He wanted to know how initiation was going and how sorry he was I got hurt." I wait for her to comment but she doesn't. "Then he said something about the anniversary of our first kiss being tomorrow and I…." I take a big breath. "I kissed him."

"You kissed an Abnegation?" She asks.

I nod. "Right in front of Bennett too." I throw my hands in the air and let them cover the moon and stars.

"What'd he say?"

I shake my head. "He snapped at me and gave me cleaning duty."

"Ouch." She says.

"I know right." I mutter. I cross one of my legs over her so our feet are lined up next to each other. Our feet are about the same size but hers looks bigger because her toes are longer. They nails on both are painted black and so are Josh's fingernails. Mine are clear with white tips.

I remember once asking Tris what the point of toes was and her response was that if I didn't have toes I wouldn't be able to kiss tall boys.

"Is it possible," Josh starts hitting her foot lightly with mine. "That Bennett was mad not because you kissed someone from Abnegation but because you kissed someone?"

I stare at her with my brows kitted together. "What?"

"Like," She bites her thumbnail. "He wasn't mad you kissed someone from a different faction he was just mad you kissed someone else."

I sigh not understanding why I hadn't put it together earlier. Bennett was mad because I had kissed someone else after I'd been kissing him. "Maybe."

"So you did?" She asks.

"Did what?"

"You kissed Bennett?"

I bite my lip and pull my foot away crossing my ankles. "Yeah. More than once."

She gives me a small smile but it vanishes quickly. "Are you sleeping with him too?"

"No." I say defensively. "I wouldn't sleep with the trainer. Why would you think that?"

She licks her lips. "Well you're pretty, Charlie." She snorts a little. "Don't say 'not as pretty as you' either." She picks at some grass at the side. It's already dead but I can't help but wonder why it was left to die. Why someone would leave anything to die. "It would probably help your boost rank-"

"My rank is fine." I snap.

"I know." She says bluntly, "But you could really jack it up if you…"

I roll my eyes. "If I hooked up with him." I run my fingers over my eyebrows and turn to the sky. "I'm not going to sleep my way to the top if that's what you think." It bothers me that anyone would think that, especially after what I've been through. But Josh doesn't know about my past. And I intend to keep it that way.

"That's not what I think." She says. "Just…" She sighs. "I don't know what I think."

I push the thoughts of Bennett and me…. getting romantic out of my mind. "He's pissed at me anyways."

Josh laughs. "Yeah, probably not the best idea to go all the way with someone who just gave you cleaning duty."

I laugh a little even if it's not funny. "Yeah."

A smile plays across her face. "Unless he wants you to clean him up. If you know what I mean…"

I laugh and roll my eyes. "I don't know what you mean."

"Me either." She says with another laugh.

"They can probably hear us, wherever they are." I say.

She turns to me. "Do you care?"

I shrug and shake my head. "Do you?"

A wicked smile appears on her face and she holds her gun in the air. "Come get us motherfu-!" Her gun blares out the rest of her words as she fires into the air multiple times.

I roll on my stomach laughing. "Josh!"

She smiles. "Let's go kick some ass, Charlie."

I nod and sling my gun over my shoulder, putting on my shoe at the same time. "Sounds like a plan."

She crouches down next to me. "Here's the plan we know that they're all still at the fountains, but they're probably hidden the flag at the Bean because-"

"Fire!" Someone calls out.

Ollie jumps out of the bushes, "No!" He screams dramatically throwing himself in front of us. His chest is covered with purple and green spatters, the same color as Mariah's hair. Josh and I look at each other fighting back laughter and fire into the bushes.

Heath falls out of the bushes laughing at us and so does another transfer, but I don't remember his name. "You ruined the plan Ollie, you traitor!" They yell.

Ollie picks his head up, his tongue dramatically falling out of his mouth. "I couldn't let you shoot a girl! Okay!" He yells back.

"Sexist." Josh says firing at him again.

I burst into laughter as Ollie gags paint flecks off his tongue.

"Hey Charlotte!" Someone calls. I turn around and see Tobias with his gun pointed straight at me.

I hold mine up. If he fires I fire. "Now it's personal." I say to him as we circle each other."

"Duck, Charlie!" Josh calls.

I do as I'm told and roll out of the way. Josh hitting Tobias in the chest, Tobias doing the same to Josh. "Good shot!" He yells to her, a splatter right nears his heart.

"Thank- _BOOM_ What was that!" She says looking around.

Bennett walks in the center of the great lawn, the moon illuminating him, his shadow long. "Me." He says with a raise of his eyebrows.

I stare at him, my gun pointed toward his chest. "You wouldn't shoot me, Charlotte." He assumes.

"Don't underestimate me." I say. "I do whatever I want."

He cocks his head, his gun still down but from the corner of my eye I can see him raising it slowly. "The events of today clearly support that statement."

I shake my head at him. "Shut up."

"You want to clean my bathroom too?" He threatens pointing his gun at me. We stay like that for a moment in silence. His eyes flicker up and down my body, his hand on the trigger. "I'll let you go under one condition."

"What condition would that be?" I ask slightly cautious, especially because of all the people around us.

He smiles. "You tell us where your flag is."

I smile back at him. "I don't think so." I quickly squeeze the trigger, and watch the paint fly all over him.

He looks at his chest with a satisfied smirk and I walk away with a little hip in my step. "That wasn't fair." He says.

I turn around to face him, my curls spilling over my shoulder as I do. "All is fair in love." I say pulling my gun back up to cover me. I pull the trigger one more time and hit him in the foot. "And war."

He smirks again. "You start cleaning duty tomorrow."

I give him a cocky head nod and fling my gun over my shoulder, firing at him one more time without looking. Then I run away, into the maze that is Millennium Park. I can hear Josh hollering, "You're so badass Charlie! Go win for us!"

I have no idea where I'm going as I run around Millennium alone. Footsteps ring in my ears and I duck down. There's a girl running, quietly huffing with our flag. I recognize her as Jess.

She hides behind the wall and huffs for breath. More footsteps. She stands ridged like a soldier as she sees me. I hold my gun up ready to fire at her when I hear a voice.

"Where the Hell is she?" Someone yells.

Kellen. "Huh?" He says angrily.

"I don't know…" Ash responds.

"Tell us gay boy?" Another person-Lance-says treating him. "Where'd she go?"

Ash stutters. "I-I-I don't-"

My feet are carrying me before I ever know what I'm thinking. I huff convincingly. "She went that way." I say pointing towards the opposite direction. "She was to fast for me." I lie.

"Stay here incase she comes back." Kellen commands.

I nod and watch the three of them runaway. I walk back to the girl and stay a few yards away from her. "I'm going to turn around for ten seconds." I tell her. "In those ten seconds, I suggest you get the Hell out of here." I turn around and here her scramble away.

I keep my eyes shut for a little while until I can sense a person next to me. "You did the right thing." He says.

"I thought I shot you." I say coldly.

Bennett snickers. "You did."

"Why didn't you pick me for your team?" I demand.

Bennett shakes his head. "It's not that simple, Rosie… Eric would have-"

"WHOO!" People scream. "We won! We won!" Ollie says running around and the paint still fresh on his chest. He gives me a big smile and envelops me in his arms. "We won Charlie…. Wait you weren't on my team." He shakes his head. "Sorry we won!"

Ollie runs away still ecstatic and I get a glimpse of the little Erudite boy I met on my first day of school many years ago. "Charlie?" Bennett says poking me with the tip of his gun. "I like that." He says with a smirk. "_Charlie_."

I shake my head. "I am the nickname queen."

"Well." He says slinging an arm around my shoulder like an old friend. "You'll always be Rosie to me."

I smile at him feeling safe with his arm wrapped around me. "We good?"

He smiles and nods. "We're good."

I wish time would freeze and I could save this feeling. Just the feeling of friendship turning into love. Of arguments ending and name calling stopping. But this feeling won't stay for long. So for now I just wrap my arm around his back.

And wish this could be my forever.


	13. Chapter 13

_"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglass _

Today is knife day. I've heard Tobias complain a million times about how useless of a skill it is. He's tried to get it removed from the training curriculum but Eric won't budge.

Eric calls it an "intimidation tactic."

"Charlie…" A happy voice rings as I walk through the Pit, eager to reach the training room early. Ollie appears behind me and slings an arm around me. "Ello darling."

I smile. "Someone's in a good mood this morning."

He smirks. "Well we did kick your asses last night."

I shrug his arm off me. "Go away." I tell him with a smile.

"Fine." He says pretending to be offended. "I'll just go cry in a hole."

I snort. "You do that."

We part our separate ways. I look for Bennett in the training room, but he's not there. "Looking for someone?" Kellen provokes. "Thanks to _you _we lost last night."

"What?"

Lance grabs my arms from behind me. "Get her."

"Get off me!" I scream. Everything goes in slow motion as they throw me over their shoulders. I kick and scream but they won't let me down.

"Clear the table!" Lance demands as he sets me down. I try to roll off, but he throws himself on me before I can escape. "Let's have a little fun, Char."

My breath hitches.

Same words.

Same words as Levi.

My heart beats fast as Kellen jumps on the table with him. He twists the knife wickedly in his hands. "Let us do what we want, Rosie, or you'll pay." The knife is cool under my throat and I can hardly breathe.

Lance slides his hands up the hem of my shirt and I whimper. "Beg a little for me?" He asks.

I refuse and close my eyes holding back tears.

The training room door opens and they both repel back, the knife still at my throat. "What the Hell are you two doing?" The voice says. It's strong and proud, but it's not male like I expected.

"Want to join in?" The boys taunt.

The voice scoffs. "I'm not going to help you rape the poor girl. You two are idiots. Get off her."

They move slightly. "What's in it for us?"

"Eric's on his way down here." She says flatly. They both jump off me at the threat of Eric. "Get up Rosie." She snaps.

Mariah.

Mariah helped me.

I sit up and jump off the table as the training room door opens again. "What's going on here?" Eric says.

We all stiffen. Eric's always ruthless, but after last nights loss malicious would be a more valid term. "Nothing." Kellen creaks.

More people file into the room. "Line up." Eric commands. "Now." Heath, Moxie and the rest of the Dauntless born scramble to line up as told.

"Where's Bennett?" Ash asks bravely.

Eric walks over to him and stares into his eyes. "He had personal affairs to attend to today. He'll be back tomorrow." His voice rises. "Your last fight is tomorrow. Cuts will be announced soon. Make every moment count." He instructs handing us each a knife.

We all know how to throw knives, but I'm sure I was the last to learn.

"It's easy." Lucas said, the light brown hair flopping over his tan face. "Just throw and aim."

"I have terrible aim." I complained.

He smiled. "Just try it."

I inhaled deeply and threw. My eyes peeled open to see the knife stuck in the very edge of the board. "That was awesome." He said. "No one ever hits the board on the first try."

He walked closer to me and laced my fingers through his. "Can I kiss you, Charlotte?" He asked sweetly.

I blushed and nodded. "Yeah."

Our lips locked for the first time. Clueless fourteen year olds, that's all we were. Our first kiss was two years ago.

Exactly two years.

"Throw." Eric commands. I pull my hand back and flick my wrist the same way I did two years ago. My knife dives into the red center of the board.

"Well someone's badass today." Ash jokes. I shrug and shake my head. His knife is deep in the edge of the board.

Kellen and Lance keep looking at me as we practice throwing. My knives don't always hit center, but they get pretty damn close. "Rosie." Eric says. I look up at him. "Come here."

I slip the knife up my sleeve and walk towards him. "Yes?" I ask.

"Where those boys trying to hurt you earlier?"

I can't tattle on Lance and Kellen or it would just make me even more of a target, but I can't lie to Eric either.

Well, I guess I _could_ lie to Eric.

"I don't know what their intentions were." I say honestly.

Eric's head tilts. "You have good aim?"

I nod a little.

"Everyone stop throwing." Eric demands walking center of the room. "Lance. In front of the target." My eyes widen. "Kellen, next to him." Kellen and Lance flush as they stand in front of separate targets. "If you try to take out your fellow competitors," Eric starts loudly. "You will be punished." He motions for me to come towards him. My heart hammers in my chest.

They tried to hurt me but I can't hurt them.

Why can't I hurt them? Why _doesn't_ every fiber of me crave revenge?

I walk slowly next to Eric. "We do _not_ tolerate cowardice, here." He articulates. "Throw at them."

"What?"

"Now." He demands.

I stare at the people in front of me. Kellen's pleading eyes, and Lance's hammering chest. They're afraid of me and they're afraid of Eric.

Maybe I'm a good person for not wanting to hurt them.

But I must not be good enough.

I pull my hand back and aim for the top of the board. Kellen inhales deeply and the knife sticks right above his head. Eric throws, but his aim isn't as precise. The knife sticks Lance in the ear.

Screams fill the air and I look at Eric. His grin is remorseless, inhuman.

Evil.

Delilah runs to help him and Eric throws again, the knife in front of her face. "Don't help the competition!" He barks. Delilah jerks the knife from Lance's ear.

Is this what we're training to be?

Eric.

All of us, power hungry pain inflictors?

Where's Bennett when you need him?

"Go to the infirmary." Eric demands. Delilah walks with him. "Throw one more." He whispers to me.

Kellen stares at me silently begging I won't.

But I'm not good enough.

I'm not good.

I look at him and tap my nose with the knife trying to communicate that's where I'm throwing. I hope he's smart enough to move out of the way.

He is.

The knife sticks in the board and Eric grins at me. "You." He says to me. "You are something different." He says setting another knife in my palm. "Dismissed." He barks to everyone.

People pass me scrambling and ignoring me. Even Ash looks afraid.

Afraid of me.

I should feel high.

Powerful.

Or immoral for following Eric's cruel instructions.

But I don't feel anything.

Especially as I set the knife down on the table.

All I can think of is two years ago.

First kiss.

And that thought, makes me feel numb.

But not numb enough.

* * *

A/N

Thank you foe all the reviews and feedback! The next chapter will be up Wednesday night. For all of you wondering I'm not stopping this story but school has started for me and...well that's time consuming. Thank y'all so much :)

AJ xo


	14. Chapter 14

"_A drunk mind speaks a sober heart."- Jean-Jaques Rousseau_

I don't know exactly what I'm getting into as I walk into the tavern. I look out of place, covered in my trademark sweater, jeans and combat boots. The other girls are…. a lot less covered, to put it nicely.

Waltzing over the to the bar, I slide onto an empty seat at the end. No one recognizes me or asks how old I am. Thankfully. I sip my first beer slowly but consume at a steady pace.

Around me the place is booming, noisy and eclectic. It's only when I see the girl and boy, they don't look too old, that I remember why I'm here.

"It's easy." Lucas said, the light brown hair flopping over his tan face. "Just throw and aim."

"I have terrible aim." I complained.

He smiled. "Just try it."

I inhaled deeply and threw. My eyes peeled open to see the knife stuck in the very edge of the board. "That was awesome." He said. "No one ever hits the board on the first try."

He walked closer to me and laced my fingers through his. "Can I kiss you, Charlotte?" He asked sweetly.

I blushed and nodded. "Yeah."

Our lips locked for the first time. Clueless fourteen year olds, that's all we were. Our first kiss was two years ago.

Exactly two years.

"I need another!" I call holding up my mug, trying to drown my nostalgia in beer and booze.

More people start to file in, crowding us until we're all on top of each other laughing to the loud music and dancing to the smell of liquor.

If Lucas and I were fourteen, the initiates were two years older than us. If they were two years older….. Bennett would be going through initiation when I was kissing Lucas.

Hell, Bennett's been in Dauntless all this time and I didn't even give a second thought to his past.

Just forget, Charlotte.

It's a good feeling, forgetfulness.

After a while, the world spins in front of me, probably from all the dancing.

Then I realize it's not from all the dancing. It's 'cause I'm drunk.

Drunk.

It's a real funny word when you think about it…

Drunk. D-runk. Dr-uuuuunnnnk.

Kinda sounds like plunk or monk or junk.

Drunk.

I try to make my way out when I slip on my own feet. The hard floor hits hard on my knees. Someone kneels down to help me. "Are you o-Oh my God."

They jerk me up so I can face them. My vision is too blurry to tell if I know them. "Hello." I say with a nice smile.

The person shakes his head. "Rosie, you're coming with me."

Rosie?

My name is Charlotte.

I let the person scoop me up in his arms. "You smell good." I say nuzzling into the neck of my carrier. I can tell from the silhouette of his face its Bennett. The way his nose has a teeny-tiny arch in it like mine.

"Thanks." He doesn't sound sincere.

I slump against him and sigh. I don't know why I do; it just feels like I should. He opens the door of an apartment, probably his apartment.

He heads straight down the hall, not bothering to turn on the lights as he does. When I walk into the bathroom I notice how bright it is and then how organized everything looks.

This could never be my bathroom.

He sets me on the toilet and starts to untie my shoes. "What are you doing?" I ask liking the way his hands feel on my feet.

He looks up at me with hard eyes. "You a favor." I let my head roll back and look at the ceiling before I realize he's still talking. "-Wash all the alcoholy smell off of you so know one will know."

I giggle a little. "Alcoholy."

He laughs a little. "At least you're a nice drunk."

I laugh and pull away as he tugs on my shorts. "What are you doing?"

He tilts his head. "I just told you."

"I can give myself a bath." I say annoyed. He drops his hand and walks out of the bathroom.

"People need help when they're drunk, Charlotte." He says loudly.

I fiddle with my pants but stumble a little, the world spinning like a top. "Bennett." I complain.

He walks back in, clearly amused. He doesn't say anything, just slides them off leaving me with only my black underpants. It's good that he keeps his face straight because I'm sure I'd slap him if any sign of emotion came across it. "Arms up." He tells me, pulling my sweater over my head.

I'm starting to feel nervous, not because I'm self conscious, just because I'm drunk and couldn't stop him if he wanted too do anything. I swallow, knowing he's right if I want to make it back to training without smelling like a bar and getting in insane trouble with Eric and the leaders. And more importantly Tobias and Tris.

Before he unhooks anything I catch his hand and look into his deep green eyes. They're so soulful and honest even as they spin. "I trust you." I whisper.

He doesn't show any sign of thought before answering, "I would never, _ever_ hurt you."

I nod, the world still spinning a little, though maybe it's just me. I turn around and feel his warm hands on my back. "I didn't know you had a tattoo." He says snagging the black bra before it falls to the ground. I feel like covering my chest but I decide on being Dauntless and keeping my hands to my sides.

He slides off my underwear and proceeds talking to me. "I have one too, well a couple actually."

He guides me to the bathtub, the water hot and running. "Do you like bubbles?"

I nod, feeling spoiled. I smile at myself a little. I kinda like it. Who doesn't like bubbles? Then again, why would Bennett have bubbles? Isn't he a guy? I though only girls liked bubble baths…? He pours some in the bathtub, just enough to keep me a little covered.

He holds my arm helping me step into the bathtub. I almost slip, the room still spinning. I press my knees to my chest and he gets the handheld showerhead and sprays my back with it. I let him wash me hair, massaging my head.

It's nice, being pampered.

Even as a child I don't think anyone ever bathed me. Stupid Evelyn is stupid. "Thank you." I say through his long fingers working through my hair. "And thank you for pampering me." If he replies, I can't hear it over the roaring showerhead washing off my hair. "I've never been cosseted in my life."

He laughs a little. "You have a pretty impressive vocabulary for a drunk girl."

"I'm not drunk." I reply. He laughs again. It's a good laugh, pure and genuine. Rare.

He works his hands down to my shoulders rubbing them. It feels good and friendly, like I'm safe. "Charlotte, you are so drunk."

"I've never been drunk before." I state.

"You're going to have a killer hangover then." He says then asks. "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?" I ask forgetting everything in the sea of his soft hands.

He sighs, "Get drunk."

My eyes snap open. "Lucas." I totally forgot about Lucas. Guess the alcohol worked… I'm sure Bennett had something to do with it. Maybe there isn't _only_ intoxication by alcohol.

Maybe there's intoxication by romance.

"Ex-boyfriend?" Bennett asks.

"Yeah… it was um," I don't want to answer these questions "the anniversary of our first kiss."

Bennett doesn't say anything, but I know he's thinking. I almost feel bad for forgetting about Lucas. But then I think of where I am, Bennett's bathroom with him massaging my shoulders. No one, ever, has treated me like this.

Like I am queen of all things.

"Why are you so nice?" I ask all of the sudden.

He shakes his head. "I'm not nice."

"You're being nice now."

He rubs his thumbs on my neck. "I just don't want to see _you_ get hurt."

I don't understand. "How would I get hurt?"

"The world sucks, Charlotte." His voice rises. "I just don't want you to get hurt in it."

"Getting hurt is inevitable." I state kicking my legs up on the faucet making them look longer than they are. "Believe me, I've had my fair share."

"Me too." He says. I want to ask him what happened, but I decide I should probably put a stop to this. Whatever _this_ is.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I ask. "Hoping to get laid?" I mutter. Probably what it is.

He stops rubbing my shoulders. "Is that what you think this is?" He sounds angry.

"I don't know what to think." I swallow. "Bennett I'm just so messed up."

"You know, Charlotte...I know about you. About what Levi did to you."

I turn around to face him, bubbles covering my body. "How do you know his name?"

Bennett sighs. "You're not the only one he hurt, Charlotte." Bennett moves in closer to me. "You're not the only one with a story."

I lean on the side of the bathtub. "Tell me." I prompt him. "Tell me your story."

He stands up and I can practically feel the emotion welling in mine. I don't want him to go. "I'll tell you in a minute." He walks away for a minute and leaves me to prune in the bathtub.

Everything about now is weird. About being drunk in Bennett's bathtub. About being spoiled. Too much of it is probably bad for me but a little bit every now and then seems nice. Bennett must really like me if he's treating me this well.

I trust him.

I really trust him.

"Do you still need help?" Bennett asks.

I may, I may not, but either way I tell him I do. "Help would be nice." I push all the bubbles to one side and rinse all the bubbles off of me. The drain makes an annoying and loud sound that startles me a little.

Bennett grabs my arm to steady me. He keeps his poker face, helping me dress in one of his t-shirts and sweatpants.

He holds my arm inching down to my hand and guides me to the bed. I have a nervous feeling in my stomach but I figure if he wanted to take advantage, he already would have.

"Sleep here tonight. I don't want you stumbling around the Pit alone at night." He says patting the bed.

"I wouldn't stumble." I protest.

He shakes his head. "Charlotte, you can't walk in a straight line for five feet. You are so stubborn."

I sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm not stubborn, just right."

He looks at me. Just looks at me. I would kill to know what's running through his head.

"So your story?" I ask scooting closer to him.

He scratches behind his ear. "Yeah… that…" He falls back on the bed and I do with him, resting my head on his chest.

What else am I going to do? I'm drunk.

He strokes my wet hair. "When I was about eight or nine, there was this man who would wander the factionless slums-"

"Were you factionless?" I interrupt.

"Yeah." He says. "I thought you'd have figured that out by now." He continues when he realizes I don't have a comment. "But this guy, Levi, he made a special place for me early in the morning." Bennett sighs. "Abuse. God, it was terrible. Once I asked where he was at night, the late night, and he told me he was with a girl." Bennett kisses my head unexpectedly. "He told me, _once_, the name of the little girl. Charlotte Clements."

That's my name.

He wraps his arms around me, keeping me safe and pressed up against him. "I promised myself I would find her and save her, save us both from him." He sighs. "I never did think about her when I came to Dauntless." How'd he get in Dauntless if he was factionless? "Then you feel down on the net, the last one." He sighs. "You were so beautiful, falling." My heart flutters a little. "Then you said your name was Charlotte and…." He sighs again and doesn't continue.

"I'm sorry." I say turning to face him. "That it happened to you too."

He presses his lips to my cheek. I pull away and look at him. Dark brown wavy hair and green eyes, barley hooked nose, and sweet lips. "You don't sleep, do you?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Not usually, mostly in the early evening for a little while but then I just can't."

I nod. "I know the feeling." I yawn. "Is being drunk supposed to make you sleepy?"

"It can, I guess." Bennett says getting off the bed and tucking me under the covers. He kisses me on the forehead, then on the nose, then gently on the lips. I still taste like beer, so I'm surprised he'd kiss me.

"Where are you going?" I ask. He turns around, puzzled. "You don't want to sleep with me?"

He raises his eyebrows, debating on being excited and or confused. "Sleep with you?"

I roll my eyes. "I want to sleep with you in the most innocent sense of the phrase." He looks at me, still puzzled. "I don't know I guess something about being able to synchronize our breathing really attracted me to the idea." Bennett steps closer, so he's sitting on the edge of the bed. "I would really love to fall asleep to the sound of your voice and the smell of your hair." I say slowly.

Bennett climbs on the bed, shifting the weight making his side sink. I know that my head is on his pillow because it smells like him, like man and fresh towels and sweet metallic sweat.

The space between us is charged and electric. "Bennett?"

"Yes?"

"Don't be a chaste idiot." I can practically see his smile as he wraps his arms around me to hold me. "Sweet dreams." I whisper kissing him on the cheek before pretending to fall asleep.

I know Bennett won't sleep that night, but at least he pretends too. His hand slides over my shoulder blade, rubbing my tattoo.

My wish came true.

I fall in quickly, not blaming the beer because I'm no longer drunk on the alcohol.

I'm simply intoxicated by romance.

* * *

A/N

It's been my favorite chapter so far :) Thank you Lauren and Ella (123lovestory) for reading it ages ago and helping me shape it. Y'all are awesome! Thank y'all so much for the sweet reviews! It's just the best feeling ever when you tell me your opinion on this story.


	15. Chapter 15

"_Words differently arranged have a different meaning, and meanings differently arranged have different effects." –Blaise Pascal_

When I wake up in the morning I feel different. Not good different. Not bad different but different.

There's something inside my stomach that feels terrible for sleeping in the same bed as a man I hardly know.

No, that's just the hangover.

Bennett has a smirk on his face as I stretch out around him. "Good morning." He says.

I make my lips smile but it doesn't reach my eyes. I lift myself up like a rag doll, hangover being worse than I thought it would be. "Thank you so much for taking care of me." I say falling back on the pillow and breathing in Bennett's smell. "Tris and Tobias would have killed me if I waltzed into their place smelling like beer this morning."

Bennett lies down next to me. "The pleasure was all mine." He says. "Come back any time you like."

"I will." I say staring into his deep green eyes. They're like a tree's leaves turning golden green at the turn of the season. I want to kiss him so badly.

He presses his lips to my nose. "How's the hangover?"

I sigh. "It's there." Bennett gets of the bed, the mattress shifting back up as he does so. I fall back on the bed and smile at the ceiling. If drinking makes it this easy to fall asleep I should do it more often.

Sleep does wonders.

"Hangovers come from dehydration." He says handing me a glass of water and some pills. "So drink a lot of water before and after you go out drinking."

I snort and sip the water. "What pills are these?"

He looks at me, almost ashamed that I don't trust him with this. "Pain reliever."

I look at him then the pills; they look similar to the kind I've always taken. "Just wondering." I say washing them down with water. He sits down next to me and traces circles on the back of my hand. "How'd you get here?" I ask.

"Where?" He says confused.

"Dauntless." I say. "If you were factionless as a child how'd you get here?"

Bennett sighs. "It's a long story."

I flicker my eyes to his. "We have time."

"We really don't." He says. "Fights start again today." He lifts his fingers to my temple and brushed my messy hair from my face. It looks like he's about to kiss me when he brushes my temple. "Your bruise is gone."

A satisfied smile crosses my face. "Finally." We sit in silence for a moment until I break it. "You'll tell me someday, promise?"

"Tell you what?"

I wipe my hand on his sweatpants. "How you got to Dauntless."

He stands up, shifting the bed, with a smirk on his face. "Oh Charlotte." He tucks his hand in mine. "I'll tell you everything."

And with that he pulls me up to face him, his deep green eyes looking into mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and burry my face in his chest.

I don't know how long we stay like that.

But I do know it's not long enough.

oOo

Standing in my usual spot in the training room, I quietly watch Raven pummeling Delilah. It's brutal and bloody and I know, Delilah's last day. She's too small to win any fights.

From the corner of my eye I see Bennett stealing glances at me with a coy smirk on his face. I give him the same look.

Something about him looks different. Maybe his eyes are just happier or the smirk on his face is just wider but something about him is different. Almost like a light inside him has been replaced.

"Winner!" Eric calls pointing to Raven, an arrogant sadistic tone ringing in his voice. "Next up Lance versus Heath."

I've figured out the fighting pattern is basically save the best for the end. They pass quickly, Lance beating Heath, Kellen beating Moxie.

Strong beating the weak.

"Bain versus Rosie." Eric calls. I'm not nervous as I approach swing myself over the railing of the ring. Bain broad but on the shorter side for someone his age and he's all power no skill.

He's not mean, but he's certainly not nice.

I watch him intently as we circle picking out his mistakes like waiting for me to strike and the way his hands are to low. Eventually, I focus in on his eyes. They're beautiful green with speckles of blue and gray. _You like boys with green eyes. _Bennett's voice sings to me in my head.

_Wham!_

I'm on my back in a matter of seconds. Bain tries to pin me down but I quickly throw my weight around confusing him. I pin him down and give him a few good hits to the jaw, but not enough to really hurt him.

It seems to work, the jaw being his Achilles Heel, because Eric calls me the "Winner!" and tries to escort me out of the ring. Politely, I push him off me.

"You know you're next." Eric mumbles. Ash and Mariah walk to the center of the ring.

My money's on Mariah but I wish it wasn't as she begins to fight Ash. I inch over to Bennett, careful not to make anything to obvious. Mariah hits first, clearly unaware of his weak knees. She aims for his head, which is hard as a rock. Maybe this fight won't be bad after all.

Ash aims for the jaw and they fall to the floor as Mariah kicks the legs out from under him while defending his hit.

Without thinking, I grab Bennett's arm squeezing tightly and praying for Ash to win. The noises coming form the ring are brutal and hard to listen to because of the pain they're both in.

It's the last fight of stage one.

Mariah shifts her weight onto Ash and they roll around, legs tangled, trying to set up and punch. She aims for the stomach causing a horrific wail to come from Ash.

Could this be the same girl that told Kellen and Lance to back off of me the other day?

I don't think so.

The girl in the ring is a merciless savage. She's vindictive. Ruthless. Conniving. Vile.

But even if she is, she is the winner.

She is Dauntless.

"Winner!" Eric calls the joy of seeing a bloody battered person in the ring sending sparks of pleasure through his veins.

"Rosie?" Bennett says quietly.

I inhale quietly. "Yes?"

"You can let go of my arm now."

I release the grip I forgot I had. "Yes." I repeat again. "I mean sorry." I don't look at him. I stay looking at Ash, passed out, bruised and bloody. He stayed in the ring with her longest.

He is the real winner of all that fought her.

"Are you going?" Bennett asks jumping over the railing of the ring to get Ash. I see a lick of tattooed skin above his belt and stare at him, feeling a heavy weight drop into my stomach. An urge to be near him draws me into his presence.

I've been seeing Bennett as a frog when really he's a prince.

"Um, yeah," I say walking out of the training room. Quietly I listen to the rain that thumps the glass top of the Pit.

Josh immediately grabs my wrist dragging me too our usual table. "Hi to you too." I mutter stumbling over chairs and catching myself on a table. She gives me a small glare as I take my usual seat.

"I have to talk to you about something." She says quietly, still standing. Her gorgeous wavy hair drapes over her face casting a strange shadow on the table.

"Oh my God." I say covering my mouth. "You're not pregnant are you?"

"No!" She snaps at me. "Charlie!" She tries to sound mad but I can hear the laughter in her voice.

I laugh too. "Sorry, what did you want to tell me?"

"I…nk….like…trick…."

I cross my arms. "Josh you're going to have to be louder than that."

"I think I like….trick."

"Josh,"

"Patrick." She barks. "I think I like him….."

"Like him how?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I just…am attracted to him, you know?"

A smile crosses my face. "Josh's gotta boyfriend." I tease.

"Shut up Charlie." She scolds.

I start to sing the rhyme her. "Josh and Patrick sitting in a tree-"

"Charlie if you don't stop-"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G-"

"I will straight up punch you in the face."

"First come love,"

"I'm not kidding-"

"Then comes marriage,"

"Right here, right now. I will-"

"Then comes Joshy Junior in the baby carriage."

"I would never name my child _Joshy_."

Ollie slides into his seat. "What is this about naming your children Joshy?"

I chuckle.

"Oh my God." Ollie elaborates. "You're not pregnant are you?"

"Oh my God!" Josh yells. "I'm not! Why does everyone keep thinking that?"

Ollie gives me a look then turns to Josh. "I don't know." He turns to me. "How was your evening Charlie?"

My thoughts drift back to sleeping next to Bennett, the way he smelled, the feel of his skin underneath me. I think of him. "Uneventful." I lie. I turn look over my shoulder and see him across the Dinning Hall looking at me and smirking.

I hold back a smile and wink at him.

"Uneventful." I repeat to Josh and Ollie.

Perfectly uneventful.

* * *

A/N

Hey y'all. Sorry I've been MIA for a while (Finally stage one is over...sure took forever.) It might take me a while to update (or not), my grandmother recently passed away and it's been hard to deal with. We were always really, really close. Thanks so much for reading and I can assure you this story will pick up. Fights are just...boring to write.

See you soon!

AJ xo


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